Happy New Year, Happy New Decade

What can I say ? THE GIRLS know me. It appears I have a pattern. Every year I make a declaration about "sitting down somewhere, coasting this thang on in". Specifically, I always say I am not doing anything for New Years Eve, and every year I send out options for THE GIRLS. The options range from church, to house parties to parties at other venues so we can dance until the weeeee hours of the morning. I received a BBM from PUT TOGETHER GIRL asking if I had changed my stance on not doing anything for NYE. I quickly responded, "Yes, everyone was wandering around as if they could not plan anything. I hate to see that, so I stepped in, we have options now."

Some of us will party to no end. Some of us will be boo'd up. Some of us will be at home with our family. However, all of us will be together in each other's hopes and prayers for a prosperous New Year and New Decade.

Once I realized the first 10th of the 2000's is over, I started to think back on everything that has happened in the past 10 years. Here are a few:

a. I graduated from college and law school.
b. I am the proud auntie and honorary auntie of 3 nieces and 6 nephews.
c. I saw 3 of my best friends get married.
d. Aaliyah, Luther Vandross and Michael Jackson passed away. One of my best friends
and my grandmother passed away as well.
e. I purchased my first home.
f. I have been un/underemployed for about half of the 2000's. HA !!!
g. I fell in love and also renewed my desire to love again.
h. I dated more football players than the law should allow !! Ahaha Lawdy Be :)
i. THE GIRLS and I traveled...yes honey, we traveled !!!
j. I met some of the MOST AMAZING women in the world and also maintained friendships
that have spanned over 20 years.

As we all look forward to the newness of the times, one thing I know will never change and that is my love for MY GIRLS and their love for me !!

Cheers to many blessings in the future, more babies, promotions, marriages, travel, wealth, fun, laughter and love.

SALUD !

Santa Baby....

I recently had a conversation with DIGITAL GIRL where we were just catching up. Seems it had been about 2-3 weeks since we had a conversation, so there was so much to discuss.

She inquired about NGF. I told her all is well, he met my family during Thanksgiving, etc., etc. "Say wooorrrrddd, that's good PARTY GIRL. Wuuuuhhhhhh" I quickly had to silence her. Talk like that, as minimal as it may be makes me nervous.

Anywho, we began to talk about Christmas and I told her that I asked NGF if we were planning to exchange gifts. He responded, "Yea, well, did you want to exchange gifts ?" I told him I didn't think it was necessary. I don't know why, but Christmas is not the same when you are dealing with adults. I ask you what you want for the holiday and then purchase it, you ask me what I want and then purchase it. Where is the sincerity ? I can shop for a child all day every day, but adults um... no. So I told NGF to just save his money, I didn't need a gift. He is saving up for a home, the money will be put to better use for that.

DIGITAL GIRL is hilarious. She has this mixture of sarcasm, humor and sass that I just can't take all of the time. I told her that this year I only have two things on my Christmas list when it comes to my family. A nice set of pots and pans and some red leather gloves.

***DEAD CRICKETS****

She was like, "Is that it ??? Baybaaayy... lemme tell you what I want. Some jewelry, and a man. Yeah, something about 6'4, 270 pounds, with a nice curly grade of hair, salt and pepper gray, about 37 years old and an accountant. Yeah, I would like to have an accountant as a man this time. He goes to work, crunches them numbers, come home and crunch these numbers at home. I don't want no dentist or nothing like that. No career when my man is all up in somebody else mouth or hunched up over her titties or no shit like that. Yeah, I can take an accountant. And some clothes too. And peace on earth. "

Well damn Eartha Kitt !!

Maybe I need to revise my list....

No Fairy Tales...???

This weekend, JUJU GIRL, KC GIRL and I took a group of 17 young girls to a cheerleading competition in Orlando, FL. The two groups of cheerleaders qualified to participate in the Nationals Cheer Competition and we could not have been more proud. This is only the second year that our organization has been in existence, so its a great sign of things to come as we expand and heighten the skill levels for the girls.

I have the wonderful opportunity of being responsible for our "little girl team" which consists of 7 to 9 year olds. I affectionately refer to them as my babies all the time as well. One of the highlights of our trip was being able to take them to Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom while we were in town. It was especially profound being that Disney has just released The Princess and The Frog and my group of African American young cheerleaders were able to see this gorgeous reflection of themselves up close and in person. It was so cute and heartwarming when one of my babies looked up to me and said, "Coach PARTY GIRL, I am about to faint. I LOVE PRINCESS TIANA !!! And I got a chance to see her ??? This was the BEST day of my life."

Along with riding plenty of rides, eating funnel cake, buying Mouse ears and such, we were able to catch the entire Mickey Mouse and Princess show at the Magic Castle as we were leaving. It is amazing how, as an adult, I am now able to fully understand and process the subliminal messages that are presented during these moments of entertainment that are just meant for children. When I visited Magic Kingdom as a child, I just marveled at all of the lights, colors and beloved characters from the cartoons and movies. That's all I wanted out of it.

However, listening to Mickey and Minnie now at the age of 32 telling this group of children about these magical places, fairy tales, making your dreams come true, finding your Prince/Princess, living happily ever after, etc. I thought to myself, "This damn mouse is selling dreams !" There is no magical place where all of your dreams just come true when you wish upon a star. You don't just kiss a frog and he turns into a Prince with a trust fund, good manners, good looks, sanity and good loving. Who lives happily ever after ? All of my married friends fuss and fight, and most of my friends who have been married are now divorced !

Anita Baker even wrote and sang "No Fairy Tales", a song whose words would not ring tunes of familiarity until I became an adult. "You never came to save me, you let me stand alone. Out in this wilderness, alone in the cold. I found no magic potion, no horse with wings to fly. I found a poison apple. My destiny to die. No royal kiss could save me. No magic spell to spin. My fantasy is over, my life must now begin. My story ends, as stories do. Reality sets into view. No longer living life in paradise. No fairy tales."

Does anybody else have a problem with this friggin mouse and all of his propaganda and lies ? Is it safe to set these kids up for failure believing this stuff ?

As I had one of the 7 year olds propped up on my shoulder, while holding on to an 8 year old to make sure she didn't run off, I honestly attempted to apply Mickey's motivational sentiments to my life, both past and present. I mean, I still consider myself blessed despite several set backs this year and in life in general, but come on Mickey....how can you and your duck, dog, fairy and princess friends keep a delusional attitude like this ? NOBODY keeps a smile on their face like that Mickey...all day ? Well, maybe SUNSHINE GIRL.

Anywho, midway through the performance I found myself chanting along with the children. Maybe that is my problem. I have become stagnant in sustaining some of my dreams. I may not have wished upon a star, but I have definitely prayed to my God, and exercised patience. Have I let this extended period of time waiting for my blessings thwart my Mickey - esque optimism ? "DREAMS COME TRUE....DREAMS COME TRUE...DREAMS COME TRUE" Yep, I was right there, chanting those three magical words with two of my babies and a slew of strangers who just may be in the same transitional phase as I am in, wishing upon the same magical star again as we did in our youth, trying to capture the same optimism that once existed in our bright eyed and bushy tailed upbringing.

Mickey may be on to something after all...

That Bum Broad ?!?!?

I think I finally figured it out, I think that there is a superiority that men feel when they mess with women that they know are not worth a damn, and I think that there is an inferiority that men feel when they have to deal with a woman that sees them for exactly who they are. I'm not quite sure why they feel so inferior, when all the women are doing is trying to love them and challenge them to be the best at who they can be, but sometimes that's a bit difficult for them. And for that reason they have a tendency to go, what we call...slumming. You know what slumming is, when he is dealing with somebody that is like 50 leagues under the sea below who you are, as far as understanding who she is ...herself. But you know, it ain't nothing....cause get back is a mutha fucka ! - Joi "Star Kitty's Revenge"

THE GIRLS collectively have not addressed the Tiger Woods issue at length, because honestly Tiger does not belong to "us", so hell...it ain't our problem. His indiscretions are up there with David Letterman and Jude Law. Who really gives a shit ? The conversation generally goes something like this:

PARTY GIRL: Girl...you see this fool Tiger messing around on his wife.

GOOFY GIRL: Yes, he is such little boy dumb, dumb.

PARTY GIRL: But hell, his wife gone get that dough, and that's the end of that. Hell, he don't like black women no way. Beckies on the come up too.

GOOFY GIRL: Mayne, who you telling...half ... and maybe then some.

PARTY GIRL: But giiiiiiiiirrrrrllll...did you see that mess about Shaq's new mistress on ybf.com asking for a purse, and only getting hard d*&^ and bubblegum from him ? She was STRAIGHT begging for a purse and a flight on Air Tran. Atleast one thing about Shaq is .... he stays with the sistas in his mess...ahaha !!

This post is not entirely about the racial preferences of mistresses and side chicks, though there is a collective similarity in all of their choices. The string of familiarity is BUM BITCHES !!! Tiger Woods, you are a billionaire and you choose to have affairs with waitresses, porn stars and restaurant managers ? Bill Clinton was the President of the United States and got caught up by an intern ?? Shaquille O'Neal, your new mistress is an "aspiring actress" with dance videos on You Tube and those GOD AWFUL pictures that I am sure all insecure people take. Ya'll know what I talking about, that booty shot, arm over the exposed breast shot and/or male flexing the shirtless flexed pose while their other arm is out in front of them with the camera phone all in the freaking mirror.

Now, I have been cheated on before. Most, if not all of THE GIRLS have been cheated on as well and the collective question that is always asked by a homegirl once you expose your man's doggish ways is, "Was the girl even cute ?" ...

HAIL NAWL !!! The girl my college boyfriend cheated on me with, well...I can't talk bad about her now. She put money in my pocket by inviting me to speak at her school many years later, so I vowed to let the past be the past. WHATSONEVAH, when I saw her at an event about 6 months after being exposed all I could think was, "Is this busted broad really walking around hot as Dallas in some jellies ? Ole sweat foot, dirt foot broad street bully looking broad." I mean, I was on my way to law school, she couldn't even get a press and curl right. I was always complimented on having beautiful eyes, she wore the glasses that made GOOFY GIRLS glasses look like contacts. What did he see in her ?

It was simple ! She gave him attention.

And sometimes that is all it takes.

So as the posts about Shaq's lovers hit theybf.com and as The Insider on ET keeps digging up more and more Tiger mistresses, and as my ex from college STILL reaches out to me, I can't help but agree with Joi. Get back is a mutha fucka... Word to Shaunie, Juanita and Elin...

Now, if only I could have been privy to a nine figure payout...

Do You Feel That ??....NOPE !!

So last night I went out with FLIRTY GIRL and one of our MFs. Our MF mistakenly gave us false information regarding a party we planned to attend. So, we ended up sitting in his car, sipping on Dark and Stormy beverages and conversing.

We were discussing relationships, Tiger Woods' indiscretions, partying and bullshit. Our MF stated that the Tiger Woods incident makes him even more fearful of getting married. As he put it, he did not know too many happily married people and that frightens him. SAY WORD ? I mean, I have 5 divorced friends, but I currently know of three happily married couples.

Hmmmm...I guess the math is a little off.

Anywho, FLIRTY started to tell us about a dinner she had with some of her married homegirls the other day and how one of the ladies stated bluntly, "Oh, I need to hurry up and get home before my man goes to sleep. I need to get there to give him some before 10:00pm." FLIRTY then stated that another blurted out something to the same like, "Oh yeah, my husband is leaving town tomorrow ... I need to get home to give him some loving before he heads out of town my damn self."

Being a single gal amongst married women can get a little uncomfortble, so I ask FLIRTY, "Well shit...how did that make you feel ? All that man and blunt sex talk ?"

"HORRIBLE.... PARTY GIRL...it made me feel HORRIBLE. Not only am I having little to no sex, I don't even have a sex drive anymore."

"ET TU FLIRTY ??? Are you on Birth Control ? Cause Birth Control has caused me to feel NOTHING !!! Damnit, we are in our sexual prime, we should be enjoying this...I want my sex drive back damnit..I am getting OFF of Birth Control !!"

So in front of our MF, we begin to discuss the several methods of birth control, those that work, those that don't work, those that cause you to feel like "cardboard" and some that make you slap buzzard crazy !! He was very enlightened to say the least. Once we discussed the side effects of Depo he blurts out loudly, "THAT'S WHY THAT BITCH WAS SO CRAZY !!! She was on that damn Depo !! I knew it was something wrong with that broad when I was dealing with her."


Now, several of THE GIRLS take Birth Control for different reasons. They are either (i) sexing like crazy, (ii) not wanting a menstrual cycle....or (iii) hmm, yeah...that just about sums it up. You either don't want a baby or you don't want to have your cycle as often. As it has been so eloquently stated by one of THE GIRLS, "I don't see the need to subject myself to bleeding every month. It's so not necessary."

Whatever the case may be, I have a solution to this massive dillema. If the powers that be can find a way to make Birth Control that prevents pregnancy, maintains your natural sex drive and also causes you to lose weight...HOT DAMN !!!

We would be on to something !

Dear 2009...

Dear 2009,

Aside from 2003-2004, I have never had a more challenging year. I guess the challenges are necessary for growth..... I guess. However, years like you are so uncomfortable. I will be glad to see you go to be truthful. Good thing I can always fall back on faith. To deal with you, I've had to load up on faith. Good thing I have a circle of God fearing women friends in THE GIRLS, who remind each other of their respective potential, promise and purpose.

Several of THE GIRLS suffered severe financial setbacks. Some lost their jobs, some quit their jobs, some had to take major pay cuts. To be fair, I guess it's necessary to note that some of THE GIRLS got jobs paying them more money than they have ever made. A couple even got promotions. I guess there is a silver lining.... I guess.

Many of THE GIRLS lost dear family members to death, including grandmothers and aunts. However, we experienced the birth of one of the most darling little girls we have ever seen. That's a blessing.

More than a few of THE GIRLS have had to end romantic relationships and put their foot down regarding how they are treated. The good news is a couple of us have finally allowed ourselves to receive the love God would want us to accept from a man.

I honestly don't think any of THE GIRLS were able to take the same number of trips to our desired destinations due to the economy and new jobs. The good news is those destinations aren't going anywhere, so we have something to look forward to. I mean, I was able to travel to Phoenix, Boston, New Orleans, Las Vegas, Charlotte and other cities I had never visited in the US. It could have been worse huh ? We could have been only relegated to East Orange, NJ.

All in all, you, my dear 2009 sucked. Compared to the other years that offered prosperity, fun, stability, no worrying, etc., you pale in comparison. The good news is, you will still serve a purpose and I will gladly step on your back to get all that is in store for me and MY GIRLS in 2010 and beyond.

Hooolllllaaaaa !!!!

- PARTY GIRL

Analyze This...

Prior to actually being considered "grown" and having a full time job, certain things regarding life I was just not privy to. Consider it my naivete, my lack of exposure, whatever. I just did not pay attention to certain things. I STILL don't pay attention to many things, however, with growth comes new lessons.

One thing I have learned throughout the years is that many,if not all of us, are negatively effected by past events. THE GIRLS and I sometimes laugh at how men allow circumstances from their past to hinder their future, yet, we are guilty of the same. It is easy to laugh about the man who had his heart broken in the 7th grade, therefore, he no longer expresses himself to women and chooses to be cold, emotionally detached and just "not right". It is equally as easy for us to point the finger at an ex, and determine that his reasoning for being noncommittal is because his parents got divorced and his father took up an entire new family with a woman half his age. At times, it is so easy for us to point the finger at everyone else, but ourselves.

However, as we have matured, most of THE GIRLS have become open and honest about seeking assistance with dealing with past and/or current circumstances that effect us. I can't help but realize that most of THE GIRLS who have decided to attend therapy, did so to improve relationships with the ones they love. This includes relationships with husbands, boyfriends, mothers, brothers, etc., etc. What I have learned is this: Seeking therapy is no longer taboo. It is the direct opposite. Going to therapy is necessary for both women and men.

THE GIRLS have dealt with issues involving divorce, suicide committed by friends and loved ones, infidelity, absentee fathers, fear of losing their fathers to death, physical and emotional abuse, assault, cantankerous relationships with their parents, love lost, stress from their jobs, etc. You name it, most of the women in my life have sought help from professionals to make themselves and their living situation BETTER.

Why do I act this way in dating ? Why can't I commit to one profession ? Why am I a commitment phobe in relationships ? Why do I let people walk over me ? Why am I a control freak ? Why was I touched inappropriately ? Why do I choose the wrong men ? Why do I have a drinking problem ? Why do I not have a close relationship with my family ? Why is religion such an issue for me ?

I believe it to be detrimental to any person who chooses not to address life defining moments that may prove to be a hinderance with growth. As we mature and become responsible for ourselves, our families and our colleagues, it is necessary to address and seek solutions for a better life.

We all have our shit, most of us are just ready, willing and damned near determined to get rid of it. For the sake of our future !