You Live Where ??

I have NEVER had a geographically desirable boo....NE-VUH !!

When I lived in North Memphis, he lived in Frayser.

When I lived on the Northern part of Tallahasse, he lived on the other side off of Tennessee Street.

When I lived in Houston, they lived in Dallas, Orlando, Cleveland, Memphis, etc. During my years in Law School, I actually preferred it that way. The further away, the better ! I had my space, and when he came to visit or vice versa, I knew the entire weekend or week was all mine.....then he would leave and I would get my space back.

Once I moved to New York....same shit. I lived in Harlem, he lived in Brooklyn and/or New Jersey. Once I moved to New Jersey, I had boos in Harlem and Long Island. I would make declarations that I would actually attempt to fellowship and meet men in Jersey, but who does that ? Jersey men are NOT desirable to me.

It's the same thing for THE GIRLS. We all live nowhere near our significant others.

FLIRTY GIRL is in Soho, her boo is in Weehawken, NJ.

SUNSHINE GIRL is in Harlem, her boo is in Queens.....OH how she detests Queens.

FASHIONISTA GIRL is in Harlem, her man is in Brooklyn...when he goes home.

PARTY GIRL lives in Jersey and NGF lives in Long Island. Or as they say out here "On" Long Island.

Needless to say, having a car...or your man having a car is damn near necessary.

I was having a discussion with one of our MFs. He was telling me how many men he knows rent cars by the hour a/k/a Zip Cars to travel to another borough for some lovin. My response: "HAIL NAW" !!

If a man is renting a car by the hour, that means he is on a deadline. Who wants loving on a deadline. Not me !!

Who Am I ?

This week was the week of pure jealousy. I know it (envy) is one of the seven deadly sins, but I can't front. I want my old life back.

I recently started working with a new firm, so my trifling ways are yet to make themselves known until I navigate their culture properly. This firm is working me more than I desire to be worked. I have been sort of boo'd up lately. I refuse to say that I have entirely been boo'd up because that violates G Code. NGFs birthday week was last week, so he got a ton of my time. This weekend my grandfather is in town, so I am entertaining him.

I am exhausted, I need a vacation, and I wonder how in the hell did I get here ?

My little sister is in town today as well. The little heifer didn't tell me she was here until 2:00 am. It appears that she and two of her roommates are traveling to the Dominican Republic this week for their senior year spring break trip. Last I checked she doesn't know what she is doing after she graduates in two months. How in the hell is she vacationing up ? They just came over to my house to visit with me and my grandfather and I have to admit I am jealous.

They are young (21), no responsibilities and are about to be laying out on a beach. I am older, more responsible and would rather spend my money on purchasing a new fence and becoming debt free. How in the hell did I get here ?

It's like my younger, more festive flesh is fighting the more mature and sensible person I am seeking to become. I want to hop on a plane and be out. I want to flirt with dangerous fine men with tattoos....but I can't, because honestly I really don't want to.

The thought and realization that I no longer want to do these things is PISSING ME OFF !!!

While my grandfather and I were at lunch today he noticed that I was looking off into the horizon deep in thought. "What are you thinking about ?" he asks. I told him the truth. My sister is me when I was her age. She is on the go. She is salsa dancing, having cocktails, traveling to exotic places and I feel like that part of my life is over. He quickly reminds me, "Well atleast you have the memories of everything she is about to experience. You have done that. You have traveled overseas, danced on couches, jumped off cliffs in Jamaica. Your grandmother and I weren't able to get up and go until later in our life. You've already done that."

Well, that is true. However, the thought of having to give that up has been pressing on my mind alot lately. I am more concerned about being responsible with my finances, so I choose to invest in that fiscal responsibility. I know dangerous,sexy,exciting men leave me in a whirlwind of "what the fuck just happened". So I am now choosing to be content in a long term healthy relationship. I know my time with my grandfather is limited, so I choose to spend it with him instead of going out of town with some of THE GIRLS.

I know I have over 15 years of memories of Livin La Vida Loca.

But damnit....this new me....ehhhh. I am now PARTY GIRL who is perfectly fine with laying on my couch every night instead of going to fellowship with others. I am PARTY GIRL who is spending consistent time and energy with 1 guy. Do you know the last time I entertained only ONE guy for an entire year ??? ....COLLEGE !!!! Do you know the last time I ever turned down a trip to a tropical locale to spend time with family ?....NEVER !!!

So as I sit on my couch, watching my grandfather click the remote for hours, looking at pics of DADDY'S GIRL, CALI GIRL, JUJU GIRL and KC GIRL's festive and tanned feet on FB from their trip to Acapulco, handing extra shades to my sister for her trip to the DR tomorrow, texting NGF.... I am still plagued with that question.

What the F*&^ is going on ????

21 Questions

I'm in the office, listening to Anita Baker on Pandora and skimming through Facebook. I just finished eating lunch, so I have decided to take an extra 15 minutes before I get to billing hours again.

Anywho, skimming Facebook and I run into a post from one of my exes. He and I have a mutual FB friend, so I click on it and learn that my ex has a blog as well. I started to read a few entries and some kind of way started to think about him, his aura, personality, screw ups, etc. One thing I always cherished about him was his creativity. Those with massive amounts of creativity are, in my opinion, the craziest people on earth. Sometimes they lose themselves in the imagination and fantasy of colors and what ifs to the point reality is an option.

As I mused over the good times I remembered with him, I thought "now why did we break up ?" ... then an "oh yeah, he was noncommital and confused" was the follow up. Instantly I clicked to top right bold "X" to close that window. How appropriate.

I started to think about a conversation I had with NGF last night. We had just left the movie Shutter Island (he watched it, I slept off the remaining hangover I had from DADDY'S GIRL'S birthday party the night before). We were having dinner and talking about relationships. I was telling him about one of my girls who is dating a guy who isn't very nice to her. He yells, has anger management issues...typical dick wad behavior. I asked NGF if he had ever been nasty or mean to a girl before. It's hard for me to imagine him being so, because he is the sweetest guy to me. He never speaks in anger, treats me with respect. He is my gentle giant.

Once presented with my question, he took a long pause and a deep breath and said, "Yes, I was not nice to a couple of females. I wasn't nasty or talked down to them or out of their names. I was just dismissive and distant. Whenever I found myself going there, not offering explanations for my actions I always ended the relationship. I didn't want to be "that guy". But, yes...I have been mean to women before."

Once again, hard for me to imagine. I then began to question, "I wonder why you never tried that shit with me. What makes me different that you don't participate in such behavior. Do you think I show you how to treat me ?"

He answers the question. We converse more about relationships and I am still a bit confused.

I have seen it before and heard it before. Many of the THE GIRLS are dating men who are WONDERFUL to them. We have entered an area of our lives where hearing and most of all living stories of men not worth your time is not an option any more. It's hard to imagine FASHIONISTA GIRL'S boyfriend being a prick to anybody, because he is a gentleman around us and he treats her like a queen. It's hard for me to even begin to imagine NGF being a dick to someone. The way he embraces me, encourages me, and even challenges me is beautiful. How could someone so thoughtful and nice today, be a former jerk ?

I wondered if my ex is now in a place where he is no longer dismissive, cold and afraid to commit.

I wonder if there is a woman hugged up with him on a couch every night, baffled that he could have been a prick in his past relationships.