Computer Love..

What can I say about Match.com ? .... Don't go on that shit if you ain't ready to get married...and that's real. - ISM GIRL

It's no secret that one of the most favored activities of THE GIRLS is meeting new men. We love meeting men at networking events, parties, church, the park, Starbucks, etc., etc. Ahhh, the limitless possibilities of this handsome stranger and every positive experience that he can potentially bring to your life.

But what happens when you look up 5 years from the date on which you landed on this island called Manhattan, and all of these starry eyed meetings have turned up nothing, nada, zilch in the form of developing and maintaining a serious relationship ? What do you do when the city you live in just so happens to NOT have a vast population of professional people of which you may prefer to date ? What is a lady to do when she knows exactly what she is looking for in a man and can pretty much dictate through checked boxes who she can meet, all from the comfort of her own home ?

WWW.MATCH.COM

It's the best thing next to Freshdirect if you ask me. I mean, you can log on, scan photos, view profiles and flirt without even having to comb your hair for crying out loud. Now I, that be PARTY GIRL, has never created a profile on any dating site. I have, however, been guilty of scrolling through some of THE GIRLS' profiles just to see what type of men are on Match. Nothing against anything, but I quickly surmised that Match.com is not for me.

But wait on it, Match.com IS for others....and quite successfully at that.

To date, I personally know five ladies who met their husbands on Match.com. Yeah, you heard me right. Women are logging on and finding their husbands online. We have ISM GIRL who, though living in California, met and became engaged to her husband after dating long distance for only three months. Oh, don't get it twisted, we thought she lost her damn mind when they decided to meet up for their first date in New Orleans. The ironic part is she was in town for her line sister's wedding who, of course, met her husband on Match.com as well. Both couples have been married for a little of two years and ISM GIRL just gave birth to a little boy. Mazel tov...

Then we have GOOD GIRL. She too was living in one part of the United States, logged on to Match.com and met a man who lived in her hometown. They dated for some months, and BAM....got married. She has been married for a little over a year and they are expecting a baby as well.

These are great odds, right ? I have witnessed about a 70% success rate of all of the women I personally have known to utilize this new dating phenomenon. There have been however a few hiccups here and there, but for the most part Match.com is THAT DEAL !!

As one of THE GIRLS so eloquently put it, "I had an 'episode' with a man on the Match.com commercials, but he never turned up on my match list. Them folks knew something. Match be knowing !!!"

Currently about three of THE GIRLS are paying members of the site. SUNSHINE GIRL went on a dating BONANZA when she first logged on. When I tell you she had 2-3 dates every week, honey was getting it in and enjoying herself. She is currently seeing a gentleman she met from Match and low and behold, he is fraternity brothers with FASHIONISTA GIRL'S Man. Small world. What's the equivalent of becoming an exclusive item in the online dating world ? Well, I have learned when both parties agree to delete their profiles, that means "We go together"... Congrats SUNSHINE !!

DADDY'S GIRL and CHATTY GIRL both created profiles. CHATTY sent me an email asking to help describe her for her profile. Out of the 20 adjective choices, I believe I selected 18. Hey, blame it on being an indecisive Libra and just thinking highly of my girls.

So for those of you who have contemplated utilizing dating sites as a means of meeting people, I say don't knock it until you have tried it. It appears that most of the people I know decided to log on once they were at, "You know what..." status. They were all ready for a meaningful relationship and the ability to scan a profile and ascertain a gentleman with the same qualities without having to put their spanx on, comb their hair and smile in unworthy men's faces is just the way they decided to get wifed up.

I ain't mad....

Oh ! The Pressure....

I forwarded some pictures of myself and PUT TOGETHER GIRL to my family the other day. It's not too often that BOTH my hair and face are made up, so I felt the need to share the pretty. I received the below email from my aunt this morning.

Dear Niece PARTY GIRL,

You all looked fantastic!!! I know there has to be some takers for all that beauty that you have. Are you approachable?

Love,
Your Aunt

About every other month or so I get some line of questioning from either my mother, aunt and/or grandfather about whether or not I am dating, if I have any prospects, am I acting in accordance of even being able to attract a man, etc. Instead of cringing, I now laugh it off or simply act as if I did not hear their questions.

***LIGHTBULB MOMENT***

I just now realized that I am exhibiting the same overbearing behavior of my mother, aunt and grandfather to my MFs (Male Friends). Ok, I will stop trying to push them to seriously dating and marriage. That shit is annoying !!!

***END OF LIGHTBULB MOMENT***

I don't know when it happened, but I venture to estimate that somewhere around my 29th or 30th birthday my mother turned into an overbearing Jewish/Italian mother. You know the type. All of the women on Sex and The City that tried to hook up the newly single Charlotte with their sons, Ray Romano's mother, Sheila Broflovski, Kyle's mom, from South Park, you get the point. Currently my mother attempts to hook me up with guys that work in her office. She's even making statements to her sister's such as,"I guess I'll be 99 when I FINALLY become a grandmother. PARTY GIRL is just taking her time with this marriage and baby stuff...sheesh."

Let me note for the record, since High School, I have introduced my mother to only 2 of my boyfriends. Also, my entire family has only met 1 of my boyfriends. This mass introduction of said boyfriend happened in 2003 at my Law School graduation and I vowed to NEVER introduce another guy to my family. Why you may ask ?

MY FAMILY GETS ENTIRELY TOO ATTACHED !!!

Maybe it was because I was 25 and my entire family never had a chance to meet any of my previous boyfriends because we live in different states. Maybe my family got too attached because my boyfriend, at that time, was the best thing next to the coming of Jesus. Like I said, AT THAT TIME. Who knows ? However, after we broke up, I got sick and tired of all of the "what happened" and "are you two back together" questions. Equally disturbing was the "I never liked that punk any way" statements from my mother, and the "You want me to go beat that nigga up" statement from my brother. I have to note that my brother is an entire foot shorter than the ex, but Big Bro was willing to get a 2x4 block of wood for assistance. Gotta love the Big Brother.

I was having a conversation with THE GIRLS about the appropriate time to introduce your new boo/boyfriend/man to your family. I was surprised to hear that most of THE GIRLS preferred to introduce the men in their lives to their families early on in their relationships so the family members could feel the men out. Here it is, I won't even mention a name of a boo to my mother or aunt until after I break up with the guy, yet, SUNSHINE GIRL tells her family about ALL of the guys she is dating at the time.

I made it up in my mind that my family would not meet another man I was dating until we were talking marriage. This position was quickly challenged by THE GIRLS and I have slowly but surely reconsidered my previous stance.

I don't know, maybe THE GIRLS are right. I mean, and this may be a horrible example, but look at Kandi and her mother from RHOA. Her mother just KNEW that something was not right about Kandi's relationship with AJ. Her main concern was, "If something happens to you, all them baby mamas gone be looking at Kandi and her money to support ALL them kids you got." Mama knew....

CAREBEAR GIRL met her man's family once they decided to start a family, though she instantaneously told them about him after about 2 weeks of dating. PUT TOGETHER GIRL met one of her boo's family at Thanksgiving Dinner last year. FASHIONISTA GIRL met her man's family during his birthday weekend festivities last year, almost at the 10 month mark. CHATTY GIRL met her man's family near the 3 month mark once she visited him in his hometown. BEST ALL AROUND GIRL just met her boo's family after dating him for about 11 months. She even took some collard greens over as a peace offering.

And then there is me. I met NGF's family in a non-formal setting and it almost freaked me out. He phoned me one day and invited me to his aunt's house for a gathering they were having. I immediately called THE GIRLS, freaking out. "GIRL, he just invited me to his aunt's house. I know how they get down. The whole damn family is going to be there. I don't think I am ready for this. We have only been dating for like three months...AND they are Jamaican. Am I going to be over there acting like I like all the reggae and stuff they are going to be playing when I can only take 3 songs at a time ? Hell..I can't even speak Patois !!"

I ended up going and taking one of my girls for support. When we left, my girl says to me, "Girl you just met the WHOLE DAMN family. I'm talking about mama, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, cousins, godmother's.....damn ! I can't even get a date !"

As the holidays approach, I was met with questions from about 5 of THE GIRLS. Are you going to introduce NGF to your family when they come up for Thanksgiving Dinner ? I replied, "If things are still going well, I may invite him over for dinner to meet them." All of this coming from a girl who can't even tell her family that she is actively dating.

Jesus be the Press Release that needs to be issued... SOON.... so as to not give my family a heart attack when this 6'5 / 250 pound man walks into my house expecting his plate to be fixed at Thanksgiving.

This Is What I Know....

1) My name isn't PARTY GIRL for nothing.

2) I can't go out to an afterwork networking event without having a cocktail.

3) More importantly, I can NOT go out to a party without consuming several cocktails.

4) More times than not, whenever I go out with THE GIRLS for partying or cocktails, I consume more cocktails than I should.

5) Cocktails in New York are NOT cheap.

6) I don't like hangovers.

7) I have not figured out how to go out partying, without having some sort of hangover the next day.

8) When I have a hangover, no matter how slight it is, I am not productive the next day.

and here is the point...

9) I keeps my ass at home now.... sorry Girls.

Expect a BBM from me though asking how it is, as I sip my one cocktail on my couch and drift off to sleep at 9:30 pm.

WHO HAVE I BECOME ???

804-335-0005.....

So many, many years ago....

Before the internet, cellular phones, twitter and facebook...

The sole means of communicating with your peers, outside of a phone call and face to face discussions, was via letters. Yes !! Actually putting pen to paper and writing a letter. We would write letters during class and pass them in the hallways. Throughout Middle School, this was our way of gaining information from one another about EVERYTHING. There was accountability to letter writing as well. If you wrote someone, you were expecting a response no more than two periods later. There was no ichat, no google chat, no twitter, texting, etc. You knew when someone got your letter, because you handed it to them directly. There was no need to see the "R" pop up somewhere like it does on Blackberry Messenger. This shit here was damn near archaic.

I was cleaning out one of my rooms upstairs and came across a familiar looking, funky, multi - colored get up. Hell, it was this gawdy Burberry bag I purchased in 2001 when Jadakiss and Styles P were rocking the Burberry bucket hats and ish. However, the treasure was not the Burberry bag. The treasure included numerous hand written letters amongst several of my friends from 1991.

Let's rewind for a second to remember 1991. Well, fact #1, it was 18 years ago. Anybody else cringing ? Nivana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and A Tribe Called Quest's "Low End Theory" both dropped and were huge hits. Whitney Houston sang the SHIT out of The Star Spangled Banner at the Superbowl, Michael Jackson signed a $1 Billion Dollar deal with Sony, Tupac released his very first album and I was transitioning from the 8th grade to the 9th grade. Now, for those outside of the Mid-South, 9th grade was still considered Middle School at the time. So, needless to say, we all thought we were hot shit.

TEEN PARTY GIRL was a cheerleader, dating a cute basketball player that SWORE he was Michael Jordan. GOOFY GIRL was getting straight A's, failing in common sense and staying out of trouble. GOSSIP GIRL was running amuck .... PERIOD.

Anywho, I figured I would share some of these small notes for shits and giggles. The scary thing is, even 18 years ago..... the same shit was going on as it is now. Peep game:

TOPIC #1: Clearance with a homegirl about a guy...

Dear TEEN PARTY GIRL,

What's up ? Nothing much here ! Well about what you wrote on the picture. What boyz ? Are you talking about Lil C and Baby T !! Well, it was a crush about Baby T and NO I don't go with Lil C. Oh, about Twon, were scraight. But anyway, I was gonna tell U about my crush on Baby T, but I didn't know how. When I found out that U knew. I really wasn't worried about it; cause U had already gotten it in a bad way. TEEN PARTY GIRL, only I know the truth. So don't listen 2 anyone else. But anyway, don't let this come between us & I'll check you later.

signed - Chex

(BACK STORY: Looking back, how the hell she gone tell me not to worry about her having a crush on my boyfriend. I still don't trust that heffa !!)

Dear TEEN PARTY GIRL,

Well, of course I won't hold it against you. I mean if you like him and all then go ahead and be with him. Other than that I don't have anything else to say and I won't let it get into our relationship as friends or let anything like this mess it up.

L.Y.L.A.S

signed - Precious

(BACK STORY: The first time I had to get clearance. She said it was cool, but I didn't believe it. I never "went with" or "talked to" the guy. I could tell she really liked him, and it's never worth it. This was NOT the last time I backed away.)

...oh this next note coming up is HILARIOUS. Let me tell you. I was in the 9th grade, dating the new guy at the school. He was the star player on our football team and VERY cute. However, like many a boyfriends to come later in life ... he couldn't spell... Oh, and he is PUT TOGETHER GIRL's cousin...

Topic #2: TEEN PARTY GIRL'S very first love letter...

TO: YOU

FROM: THE PIMP

Dear TEEN PARTY GIRL,

What's up Pimpp ?? You know I am hurt, but thats OK. even thought I was bleeding. But anyway I am sorry I did not call you back last night I fell asleep. TEEN PARTY GIRL, I you alot and I hope we stay together for I long time. If we broke up it will be because of you. See cause I will not mess up (Pimpp) I am going to end this so you can do your work or listen to the teacher.

You Boyfriend
The Mac...Just me and you Baby

WRITE BACK PIMPP

TOPIC #3: Still confused about relationships

(BACK STORY: Goofy Girl is still one of my best friends. I promise, this shit is scary. We are having the SAME conversations we had when we were 13 and we are all still confused and trying to justify dating the nice guy. )

Dear TEEN PARTY GIRL,

What's up ? Girl, my life is REALLY confusing ! I'm gonna tell you the truth. I kind of, in a way, like an 8th grader. Sick isn't it ?? I don't know why but I just do ! I mean, he's nice and he's not ugly, you should know who I'm talking about now. I'm trying not to like him, cause one of our friends also likes him. I'm not going to make a big deal of it cause if I do, everyone else will too.

But anyways, doesn't Mr. Most Handsome look nice today ? I tell you, you are a dummy if you don't go with him. The boy is FINE ! Plus, I mean you and Pigeon Toes are so far apart now, and Mr. Most Handsome is RIGHT THERE.

Now, give me your honest truthful opinion. If it doesn't work out with me and Man #1 or Man #2, whom could I go with ? I have the STRANGEST taste. But you know me well, so you could find me SOMEBODY !!

Oh girl, lemme tell you, Erica likes Tavares in the 8th grade, you know I got his phone number and he thought that I was getting it for myself. OH GOODNESS !!

But anyways, do you have cheerleading practice today ? I think that Pep Squad is, but I don't know. I gotta go to Mr. Hamilton and show him the show choir dance. Well gotta go...see ya

signed - TEEN GOOFY GIRL...

I roll my eyes when I hear the childish banter of the cheerleaders I coach now. I look at them and think to myself, "ya'll are so young...and don't know shit...". Well, from the looks of things so were we !!! How disgustingly cute....

City Love: The Prime Real Estate Edition

New York City has to be the biggest enigma in just about every facet of life. I believe everything in The City is more difficult than any other city in the United States. There is nowhere to park, the weather is mad/stupid/dumb difficult to deal with in the winter, housing is ridiculously overpriced and let us NOT even begin to discuss the $18 Martini. That's an entire meal in the south, however, in New York it's the going rate for a Cosmopolitan or Dirty Martini.

With that said, THE MOST DIFFICULT task to deal with in New York is finding, happening upon and/or developing a real relationship. By "real" I mean a relationship where both parties just happen to be, perhaps, fingers crossed.....(clutch the pearls) on the same page. He wants her there, she wants to be there. She wants him to fix something in her house, he happens to be handy. Things just go togther like peanut butter and jelly....like ham and burger.

There is absolutely no problem with finding a date in this concrete jungle, where dreams are made of. Dating in New York is definitely a sport and if you don't have the dedication or heart to play the sport you will get eaten alive. THE GIRLS have pretty much mastered the dating dance. We simply go to a birthday party of someone we don't know, the NY Urban League meeting, Paul Weiss Diversity reception or Habana Outpost on a sunny day and WHAM!!! You got a date. I swear, getting a date is not the hard part.

The hard part is finding someone, or in our case, someone finding us who does not get on our damn nerves and also shows us at the same time that both parties' intentions and interests are reciprocal.

Since I have been dating in New York, I have NEVER intentionally left an item that belonged to me at a male suitor's place. I may have inadvertently left an earring, a bracelet, a hair pin or something like that which was eagerly retrieved the next time I saw my male suitor. I remember some time ago, I could not find a bracelet of mine for almost six months. When I happened to agree to lunch with an ex, he brought me my bracelet and it was like I had won the lottery. I missed my damn bracelet and apparently he missed me cause clearly he could have put that shit in the mail to me instead of holding on to it for six months.

The last guy I dated, I never thought to leave anything at his place. I KEPT finding things that his ex allegedly left, though they broke up a year ago. ***SO MUCH SIDE EYE*** She still had razors under the bathroom sink, pictures in the spot and as I dug deeper, I think she still had tampons under the sink as well. My first instinct was to throw that shit away (which I did and I told him I threw it away). My second instinct was to make mental note, "this bitch is still lurking"...and damn it, I was right !!! What grown man keeps a stuffed animal a woman gave him.....in public purview ? (Side note: I immediately thought about the Dr. Bear Derwin gave Melanie, the one that he would NOT throw away no matter how much lip Janae gave him)

Anywho, I was having a conversation with one of THE GIRLS and one of my MFs (Male Friends) about the topic of leaving things at a suitor's place and it went something like this:

MF: So, FLY GIRL how are things with you and your boo ? You haven't said anything to us about him lately.

FLY GIRL: Things are going well, no complaints here.

PARTY GIRL: So are you guys official now ? What's the deal ?

FLY GIRL: Ha, touch your nose...how do I answer that ??? We have toothbrushes at each other's homes. In plain view. He thought it was a big deal to give me an extra head to his Sonic toothbrush thing.

MF: ahahahahahah

PARTY GIRL: Why you laughing dude ?

MF: I know how he felt when he handed it over.

FLY GIRL: ...and how is that ?

MF: WEAK AND DEFEATED !!!!

FLY GIRL: How so ? I accidentally left my toothbrush at home. When he gave it to me he acted like I took his first born...BUT...when I left, I did what I always do, I put the cap on it and packed it up with the rest of my stuff. He asked me the next day why I didn't leave it there, said I need to leave it there in the UV cleaning thing so I can always have it when I needed it...I don't know. I always pack up my things when I leave. I'll take it back though if it makes him happy.

PARTY GIRL: You Men Kill Me MF !!!

MF: No one has ever done that to me

PARTY GIRL: Got a toothbrush out of you ???

MF: Or even prime real estate in my crib for a toothbrush

FLY GIRL: So sad MF, its 2010. Its the year of your emotional breakthrough !!! A toothbrush at a man's house is prime real estate ?

MF: Uhhh right !!!

Though ludacris in some of his "isms" in dating, I guess MF has a point to some degree. That toothbrush offering just may be a big deal. In my opinion, it kind of signifies "hey baby, I like you, you like me...here is a space, available for you...it ain't that big, but it's a start...and it may lead to a spot in my closet, then I know you ain't no fool, so I will be prepared for the 'uh, don't think we moving in together without no ring nigga,talk'". John Mayer sang about it in City Love, "she keeps a toothbrush at my place, as if I had the extra space, she steals my clothes to wear to work, I know her hairs are on my shirts, I tell everyone, I smile just because."

Man, this is the first time drafting a post that I am looking at one of THE GIRLS like, "dang...I'm jealous". But I must confess, I am doing a horrible job with anonymity. In true T.I. vs. T.I.P fashion, I be FLY GIRL and FLY GIRL be me (PARTY GIRL). I ain't want to tell ya'll EVERYTHING, but I can't keep it to myself. It's taking some getting used to...you know, changing behaviors of me "not being available or attached to someone" and also my dating men who are "not available or attached" to someone.

So, with my bequeath Sonic toothbrush head still resting in his bathroom...I also left my Essence magazine with Mary J. Blige on the cover on his nightstand. It's a start....and a subtle hint as I dog earred some FLY boots Estelle was wearing in her photo shoot, ya know, ahem...just in case a brother wants to make room for those boots in his closet in the near future :)

Oh I Think She Likes Me....

I recently had a conversation with one of The Girls about, of course, men and relationships. We were conversing about how men have asked us on numerous occasions, "How do I know if you really like me ?" I remember one guy telling me, "You know, I am pretty good at reading women. Like, I know immediately if a woman is feeling me, what area I want to place her in my life....but, er uh...I am having a hard time pegging you. Like, how do I even know if you like me ? You are so hard to read."

I cleared my throat, and oh so matter of factly stated: "If you call me and I answer the phone, I like you. If you call me and I do NOT answer the phone, and/or I don't return your phone call...ever, chances are I do NOT like you."

He seemed perplexed by the notion of it being that simple.

Some of The Girls express their "like" for a man in many ways. They may cook for him, send him notes, baby sit his kids or buy him a bottle of Hennessy on a Friday night. You know, different strokes for different folks.

WHATSONEVAH.... the SHO FIYAH way of knowing that a chick is NOT feeling you now...or EVER... is if she tells one of her girls how horribly WACK you and your sex is. I repeat, if a woman tells her girls that your sex, head game and/or penis size is wiggity...you can forget it...for life.

Now, The Girls talk about sex all of the time. We talk about the good sex, the bad sex, birth control, toys, etc. However, we know when one of The Girls is really feeling a dude, because she doesn't give up any details about his skills in the bedroom. There may be an initial, "Girrrllll...I couldn't wait 90 days...I gave it to him in 60, and the shit was pretty nice." If she gives any additional details after that, GUARANTEED she don't want him.

Goofy Girl once said to me, "You know...I always knew you really liked that dude because you NEVER said anything about how he got down in the bedroom, and you ALWAYS tell me everything." And she was right. If you got something special going on, you ain't trying to tell no other heffa !!!

On the other hand, when a woman is done...seriously done with a dude, albeit the first time getting down or after five (5) years of him being your dick in a glass, ex-boyfriend or whatever, as soon as she utters any of the following statements, we pretty much know that it's a wrap for you.


1) Girl, I could have had a V8.

2) Girl, anti-climatic is his name. I turned over and tooted my booty up just to get it over with.

3) Girl, he is the size of my pinky...and I ain't exaggerating.

4) Girl, I told that nigga I was on my cycle...JUST so he wouldn't try me with that weak shit again.

5) Girl.... I am only keeping him around because he has good conversation, but I just CAN'T fake the horrible sex any more.

and my all time favorite

6) Girl, he had the nerve to ask me if I told all of my girls that he gave me head. I told him, "That horrible shit ??? I wouldn't dare speak of something so horrendous...."

In some instances, there may be a female or two who may just be jilted or upset by a guy and using the preceding statements to attempt to save face. But, nah..... these days, sex comes every blue moon for most of The Girls. Let me tell you, in our 30's we ain't sexing it up like we were in college and our early 20's. There is too much to lose now (like our sanity), too much to gain as well (like a baby).

So what's your point Party Girl ?

If a lady truly likes you, respects you and appreciates you, the intimate details of your relationship will not be divulged. However....hell, ya'll know. Ya'll do the same shit.