Do You Smell Smoke ?!?

Ahhhh.....

How I LOVE the Sundress !!!

It's so cute, so fashionable....
SO COMFORTABLE..

Men have made songs about them (shout out to Phat Cat Players and Raheem Devaughn)
There were officially over 50+ Facebook status updates about the onset of the Sundress season since the weather has warmed up in New York.

Wearing a Sundress is tantamount to wearing sexy underwear... women automatically walk and smile as if they have a secret and MAYBE, if a man were to act right, we just might let him in on that secret :)

But LAWD....

After months and months of wearing pants and/or tights with my dresses and skirts, I learned something that could be very detrimental to my enjoyment of free flowing clothing and more importantly, something that may keep men from smiling as THE GIRLS and I walk down the street with our dresses swishing from side to side.

MY THIGHS SCRUB TOGETHER AND THAT SHIT HURTS !!!!

When I told one of THE GIRLS about my dilemma of the scrubbing thighs she gave me her secret.

"Honey, my thighs scrub together ALL the time. Just move your knees....keep your thighs together and your problem is averted."

Uh...NO...I REFUSE !!! It's time to hit the gym.....

For the sake of us not having to take pain meds because our thighs feel like they were set ablaze, for the sake of us not having the inside of our thighs looking like Gary Coleman has been punching them, and for the sake of not having to walk like Danny DeVito in Batman Returns..... Ladies, we have got to get in the gym !!!

...as soon as I finish this cupcake and glass of wine ....

Do You Speak Harry Potter ? ..Cause I Don't....

This is an actual conversation between two of THE GIRLS:

SASSY GIRL #1: You read Harry Potter right ? I got a question. A friend referred to "the thing that you do not speak of as in Harry Potter" and I have NO IDEA what that means...do you know ?

SASSY GIRL #1: I'm all on Wikipedia trying to figure this out


CALI GIRL #2: There's "he who must not be named" who is the bad guy

SASSY GIRL #1: Hmmmmm.....

CALI GIRL #2: He's the one who killed Harry's parents and tried to kill Harry, but he survived

CALI GIRL #2: Does that help ? What was the context of the comment ?

SASSY GIRL #1: Tug of war on defining our relationship

CALI GIRL #2: Oh, then it's probably a reference to the unspeakable

SASSY GIRL #1: Yes, what's that ?

CALI GIRl #2: In the book, everyone is sooo scared of the bad guy, they don't call him by name because of fear he'll show up

CALI GIRL #2: Or also because they're scared of him

SASSY GIRL #1: Oooohhhh...I get it

SASSY GIRL #1: Sheesh, this is so not funny, but it is... grown niggas speaking "Harry Potter" and ME TRYING TO DECODE !!!!

CALI GIRL #2: LOL

CALI GIRL #2: That's HILARIOUS

SASSY GIRL #1: YES !!!! I couldn't ask him WTF because I was rushing to get upstairs to do your hair and we haven't talked today...so I tried to google it and then I was like "CALI GIRL will know!!!"

CALI GIRL #2: Yes, all things Harry Potter, I'm all over it !!

Tip of the Day to the Readers: Google and Harry Potter are NOT the answers to solving your relationship problems !!!

Today Was a Good Day....

I know this is the East Coast, but somebody please cue up Ice Cube right now .... STAT !!

11:00 am - Wake Up (YES... I woke up at 11:00am..I'm self employed damn it)

12:30 pm - Conference call with a client, an up and coming rapper who has been named one of the top 10 rappers in New York. We are ironing out provisions of his recording contract with a respectable Indie Label...while I drive across the George Washington Bridge. Gotta love the Blackberry and Earpiece.

1:00 pm - Park my car in Harlem at THE GIRLS' apartment. There are tons of events tonight. No need to be in denial thinking that I will be getting back on a train tonight. NOPE... learned my lesson.

SIDE NOTE - It is GORGEOUS today in NY. Upper 60's Sunny..


1:45 pm - Made it into the office of my "apprenticeship". Never too old to learn new things.

1:50 pm - Send out "round up" email to THE GIRLS. What are we doing tonight ?? LET'S GET IT !!

2:00 pm - Sending emails to DJs and Hosts for launch party of new LIQ brand.

3:30 pm - Lunch with a former industry executive who has done marketing for everybody from Bad Boy, Star Trak, Def Jam, etc. He now owns an online marketing company dedicated towards music and entertainment and he also DJs. We are trying to figure out how to "build"...LET'S GET IT !!

4:45 pm - Back at the office, sending off more emails in re LIQ brand launch. I love this work, just have to figure out how to get on their payroll.

5:30 pm - Realizing, oh shit...I'm still an Attorney. I draft an Affidavit in re a Landlord/Tenant case. Gotta pay the bills.

7:00 pm - Dinner date :) A lady MUST keep her options open until she gets a rock and/or a rock has been favorably discussed to her liking.

9:00 pm - Stop by a couple of birthday parties to say hello, a fashion magazine event and a lounge in Harlem and have some cocktails.


How does this perfect New York day end ?? Stay tuned for the wrap up :) You just never know ....

Congratulations...You Made the Practice Squad

We've always been taught that "practice makes perfect". As children and young adults we all have practiced something....dance routines, cheers, musical instruments, math problem solving, etc. Michael Jordan often spoke of the numerous hours he would spend in the gym after basketball practice in an effort to be #1 at his game. If you really wanted to master a craft, you practiced it over and over and over again.

However, you also have Allen Iverson's viewpoint on the subject. "We in here.. I'm supposed to be the franchise player, and we talking about practice. I mean, listen here... we in here talking about practice ??? Not a game, not a game, not a game..we talking about practice." Being so good at what he does I guess he doesn't need to practice right ? I share those same sentiments Mr. Iverson. PREACH !!!

Whatsonever, one of THE GIRLS has decided to put her best foot forward for her future and practice the art of being a great girlfriend on a naive, gullible, mere lad of a stupid man who obviously hasn't had his jewels drop.

What do you mean oh ye fabulous chica ??

My friend has a specific "boy toy" who has absolutely no standing in her life, no space in her heart, no place on her roster with whom she practices her domestic skills on. She will cook a meal for him, serve it to him, talk to him, flirt with him and even pat him on his head all in an effort to enhance these skills for the "real man" that will eventually come along for her. This guy is around 25-26 years of age, she is 31. TROUBLE !! She is going to put that "grown woman" on him and he will NOT want to leave her alone. Hell, she should have learned from the other young lad that ended up randomly showing up at Dave and Busters when we were there to return a bag to her. MAD WEIRD.... MAD RANDOM !!!

I have a hard time getting Bill Wither's "Use Me Up" out of my head. She is using him for attention, company and conversation and he very well may be doing the same. However, wisdom and previous experiences have led me to understand that most younger guys become so smitten by older women. Hell, I still have a young lad of a man calling me and I NEVER answer his phone calls. He got no cookie from me, no cuddles, no motivational speeches. He only got a meal and the opportunity to clean my windows and he STILL calls me. (sidebar, he did a GREAT job on my windows)

I think this practice thing is a bad idea.

It will come naturally in my opinion, being a great girlfriend and future wife that is. There is no need to practice on someone you don't like. That is a waste of everyone's time. When I really like someone, he gets a "Get Em Girl" meal. When I don't like him, he gets a dial tone.

What is there to practice ?

I'll Trade You ....

I recently went to a Masquerade Ball held to raise funds for a non-profit organization with THE GIRLS. We were so cute, I can't even front. So, I did what I normally do. I took pictures and forwarded them to the masses. Might as well share the pretty right ?

I received an email from one of my sorority sisters the next day that stated, "You know I live vicariously through your pictures." I swiftly responded, "...and you know I live vicariously through your pictures of your precious little baby and loving husband." She responds, "awwww....we just gave each other 'the grass is greener hugs via email'. EXACTLY !!!!!

I can't tell you how many times I have had this discussion with my friends who are either married, have children or are both married with children. They think I am in NY living La Vida Loca. Well, based on the stories I relay to them, I can see why they think that. I can't lie, I live a great life. Despite this recession thing going on, and this massive transition in my life, I have great friends and I always see to it that we have a great time. We can get up and go as we please, we have no one to check in with. Diapers ? Who's buying those ? Husbands ? Who has to cook for them ? WE DON'T !!!!

But quiet as kept, I don't know not a nann one of THE GIRLS who does not yearn for that time to come. We all want to be married and have children, but in the meantime...we figure we might as well have impromptu dinner parties, dance on couches and do shots of Patron until that day arrives.

I have officially become the self-proclaimed, "Auntie of all Aunties". I even have an "Auntie Team" circa Kanye West's Roses record. If we are remotely cool, your baby is my niece or nephew and I have full reign to mush him or her whenever I feel like it. I can demand pics, and hog all of the hugs and kisses when I come into town. I now understand why my Aunt's used to always mush me. I was a cute fat baby that they could steal hugs from and hand right back to my mother when they were finished. A single girl needs these maternal suppression dates with the babies !! "Ah yes, I mushed the baby, now I can go home and sleep" :)

I don't think we single gals really understand how hard it is for our friends with children and husbands. I know for a fact they put on brave faces, the same ones we give when asked for the 100th time, "soooo...when are you going to settle down and make some babies ?" (sidebar: my response to this question is ALWAYS, "Don't ask me, ask God") I recently went to visit one of THE GIRLS who lives down south. She is the mother of a one year old who is the cutest, busiest little person I have ever seen. I know it has to be hard on her, but she never complains. She has this thing down to a science too. Getting the baby in the car seat, getting him out and into the stroller, getting the baby dressed in the morning. I can hardly get myself up and dressed, let alone another person. We took a trip to Walmart and while she was putting the baby in the car seat, I loaded everything into the car. When she turned around and saw that she didn't have to do it she was like, "man...you move fast...thanks !!" When we got back to her house, she unloads the baby and I get all the bags to take them in the house. She then says to me, "I know I joke a lot about telling you to marry Beyonce and not a man because men don't help out, but MAN.... women get stuff done...thanks for taking all of that in." I find this particularly funny because I am watching Oprah now and she just stated, "all mothers NEED a wife !!" If Oprah said it, then it must be gospel.

Like I stated earlier, I have a great time as a single woman with no children. I can still be a little selfish, and I appreciate this extra space. However, I can't help but look over my fence into the yard of my married friends and friends with children thinking the grass in greener. But who knew they were right there on the other side of the fence looking over at my yard too ??

Wanna trade ??