More Bangs For Your Buck....

On the 3rd day of Fabulosity, my best self gave to me: Court.... I had to go to court today and I quickly realized what I already knew. I DO NOT GET ALONG WITH SUITS !! In my opinion they rob you of all creativity and style, especially in the legal world. I mean, I don't want to scare the judge by walking in with 4 inch stilettos and an afro. So I put on one of the four (4) suits that I own. I REFUSE to buy a new one, because I am a rebel like that. Point blank, I was NOT looking my best once I left my home and was in clear violation of the 32DOF. So I did what I felt was the only viable option for me to make my appearance a tinge bit better with only 2 hours to spare.

I went and got a Dominican blowout.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO... my hair has NOT bounced and swung all up in the air like this since damn near 2005 !!! And may I point out, this is ALL my hair !! No tracks in it this week and I STILL feel great all about the hair ?

How did that Dominican lady do this ?

When I flat iron my hair it is so bone straight it is basically lifeless. I can't front ya'll, I kept looking in the windows as I walked the streets of New York this afternoon to catch a glimpse of my hair as it bounced like Jay-Z asked us to in 1998. However, I did feel a little apprehensive thinking about FASHIONISTA girl's story of her blowout gone wrong when she had her natural. She went into the Subway with a Dominican Blowout, and came out just wrong...all wrong about the hair.

Man, I missed these ladies. I, along with SUNSHINE and KC, would visit this salon atleast twice a month when we first moved to New York. DADDY'S GIRL and BERRY GIRL would always come with us when they were in town. How did I let these women out of my life ? Well, I mean, I did feel like I HAD to break up with them once I went natural and cut my perm off. They were so quick to tell you when you needed a perm, I just knew they were going to kick me out as soon as I walked in. However, as my hair continued to grow I noticed that my hair was just like some of the Dominican women as well. So I tried my luck today and it paid off greatly !!

Now, with that said. I think it's time for me and NGF to take our friendship to the next level. NGF, meet my head scarf....head scarf, meet NGF :)

32 Days of Fabulosity

Birthday celebrations for THE GIRLS are major events. Whether or not it's the actual birthday, or week/month leading up to it, there are several social events taking place to celebrate accordingly. We have partied on boats in Miami with DADDY'S GIRL, lounged in The Hamptons with CHATTY GIRL, partied in Jamaica with FASHIONISTA GIRL and New Orleans with SUNSHINE girl, attended Football Classics in Atlanta for myself and BERRY GIRL, had happy hours and flat out parties in New York City for everybody else. I am telling you, we have done it.

Now that we are on the brink of what I deem the most important month of the year, I too had to think to myself, "Hey PARTY GIRL... I mean...your name IS PARTY GIRL, what shall we do for our birthday this year ?"

**** DEAD CRICKETS****

Every year BERRY GIRL and I generally hold our birthday festivities in Atlanta, GA. It's a nice blend of our college and hometown friends, but ....eh...we just weren't interested in doing it this year. THEN I decided that I wanted to party in New Orleans along with the other participants of the National Black MBA Conference. ICK, SCRATCH THAT... THEN, I decided that I wanted to take a trip with just a few of my closest girlfriends to Northern California. You think anybody looked at plane tickets ???

There is something about this dang old 32 that is not clicking with me !!! Turning 30 was just great...damnit, it was an event. Every last one of THE GIRLS did it up big.

Then, hitting 31 was cute. Cute dress, cute hair, cute shoes, cute happy hour...ya know..just cute.

HOWEVER, 32.... well... 32 is just freaking... (can I keep it real ?) ...SCARY and full of PRESSURE !! It's like... the age of "What you gone do Hammer ?" Though I feel young and look young, these freaking birthday numbers KEEP going up ...and up ... and up...

SO, in an effort to ease my fears and coast this thang on in I came up with:

PARTY GIRL's 32 DAYS of FABULOSITY... What does this entail PARTY GIRL ? Glad you asked. For the next 32 days, commencing August 29, 2009 and ending on my exact birthday of September 29, 2009 I pledge to do the following:

1) Look my best at all times.
2) Keep my hair done !! ...No South Dallas Ponytails
3) Exercise and eat healthy
4) Keep a proper manicure and pedicure at ALL times
5) Embody the style and fashion sense of some of the most fashionable people I know
6) Love life and choosing to be happy
7) Journal my experience

So, since this started Saturday, I guess I should tell you about those two days.

On the 1st day of Fabulosity my best self gave to me: Cheer camp, I did what I could, but it was raining. So hey, I stuck a flower in my tamed afro :)and wore some cute leggings with my team sweatshirt. My babies loved it.

On the 2nd day of Fabulosity, my best self gave to me: Cheer camp still, but I had on smooth booties, my "I Love Obama" tshirt, oversized shades and the Cheer Banana as an accessory. Arguably I think I was one of the most fashionable coaches there ! Given the circumstances.

Stayed tuned... I will keep you all posted on the trends worn, my overall demeanor and progress on making a concerted effort to keep my appearance up.

Congratulations..????

I am amazed by the profound wisdom I have now in reference to the lyrics of the songs of yore. Secret Lovers (Atlantic Starr), Me & Mrs. Jones (Billy Paul), Back Then (Mike Jones) and Congratulations (Vesta). I pray you all know the Mike Jones reference was a joke.

Anywho...

I was perusing Essence.com and saw a couple in the "Bridal Bliss" section. I immediately clicked on the link to check out the pictures and it wasn't until the ninth picture that I realized, "Hey... I know them !!"

This couple was the BANE of my existence during the 2008 year. They rode the same train I rode into the city EVERY DAY at the SAME TIME and they kissed and hugged and carried on. I tell you, it was pathetic, especially to a woman like me who was dating an ASSHOLE at the time.

I sent the link of the site and photos to THE GIRLS. My view on this couple has changed dramatically. I guess I have NGF to blame for this. Him like me...Me like him back, all is right with the world and relationships...for now....sometimes...when he ain't getting on my nerves...like NOW WITH ALL THIS DANG TALKING !!! :)


In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "It got me to thinking...."

It got me to thinking about weddings, engagements and what not. Most of THE GIRLS have never been married and/or engaged. A couple of THE GIRLS have been married and are since divorced, but the majority of us...NO HAPS !! .... yet....

And just like that, my thoughts turned to, "what could have been ??".

The men we thought we could have....should have married. That ONE man....

My mother had that one man. She loved him, he loved her... which brought me into the world. It didn't work out. He was selfish and she had a child to raise. She has never loved another man the same since.

(I refuse to call names, even the pseudonyms)

Several of THE GIRLS, self included, have LUH-HUVED a man...that man...so hard, so intense, that the thought of being with someone else took sooooo many years to get out of our systems. We would date other men, love other men, play other men, nuture other men, but nothing came close to that euphoric mirage that once existed with this ONE man we loved in our 20's.

WHO THE FUCK SAID OUR 20's SETS THE BAR ON THE REST OF OUR LIVES ???

I remember when I got the call. It came from one of THE GIRLS. I immediately knew what she was going to tell me and I instantly told her that I didn't want to know and that I would call her back. She was almost vigilante in her stance on telling me that the man I just KNEW I was going to marry was engaged to someone else. I was on 59th and 5th Avenue....walking past Central Park...humming "Irreplaceable" to myself. I REFUSED to cry.

I remember when I made the call to one of THE GIRLS as well. The man she dated for 5 years was instantly engaged to someone else, only 7 months after they broke up. I wanted her to hear it from me, because I love her and I wanted this news of his engagement to come from a place of love.

I also remember when I got a call from one of THE GIRLS when the father of her child was set to marry someone else. Trick ass nigga ain't even have the balls to tell her he was getting married. He just told her the baby needed to be in his home city on a particular weekend, and she obliged.... out of love. She knew...

There are so many other stories. Same script...different cast. However, the outcome is the same. The man you THOUGHT was sent to you from God clearly got a different memo.

All of THE GIRLS who went through this were left with a choice.

Choice A: Give up on Love

Choice B: Dust yourself off...even if it takes 2-5 years and get back in the game.

I am choosing LOVE.... and it's a choice I have to conciously make everyday despite what my past reminds me of...

I wonder what Carm is thinking RIGHT now...

I Don't Mean To Brag .....BUT ...

Sometimes it is quite possible for a woman's ego to be as big, if not bigger, than a man's. There are certain instances when a woman will hold her head high and secretly look around saying to herself, "yup...I'm THAT chick..let me just sit over here and bask in the glory that is me". I think it is cool to toot one's own horn every now and again, in moderation of course.

The beauty of THE GIRLS, as the conglomerate that we are, is that we each hold so many different gifts that we offer to our communites, our men, our girlfriends and ourselves.

With that said, I have drafted the

TOP 7 BRAGGING RIGHTS MOMENTS
IN THE HISTORY OF THE GIRLS:


GETTING A PROMOTION, YEAH THAT PROMOTION YOU DIDN'T REALIZE YOU RECEIVED UNTIL YOU GOT YOUR CHECK: We celebrate every milestone with THE GIRLS. The most "playa" celebration to date though has to be for PUT TOGETHER GIRL. Sistergirl didn't even know she received a promotion until she got her check. She was that focused on getting her job done, it totally went over her head. GONE GIRL !!



PUTTING PEOPLE TO SLEEP AFTER THEY HAVE EATEN YOUR COOKING: The "itis" is SO real. I haven't seen quantifiable results based upon this phenonmenon, but I have seen it happen on many occasions. One of my best male friends always references a particular New Year's Day brunch we put together in Harlem. I made the omelets that single handedly knocked 5 grown men out. I promise there is nothing more gratifying than fixing a nice meal for your boo, then his ass goes straight to sleep, especially when your show is on or you got things to do around the house.....oooowwww !!!



HELL....KNOCKING A NIGGA OUT AFTER GIVING HIM SOME GOOD LOVING: (Self explanatory) "Girrrrlll...the man done made me breakfast...in MY kitchen...and I didn't even ask him to do it...eh hmmm...let me call you back bay baaayyyyy."



GETTING BACK TO YOUR FIGHTING WEIGHT: We LOVE to brag about losing weight. It does not matter if we lost 3 pounds or 15 pounds, the revolution WILL be televised...usually via email to EVERY one of THE GIRLS.



FINDING THAT GREAT PIECE ..... ON SALE: "PARTY GIRL... I love those shoes !!"...."Giirrrlllll, Sample Sale......28th and 5th... $50" OR here's another one. "CAREBEAR GIRL...your earrings are so cute !!"... "Wow Thanks CHATTY GIRL, 125th and Fred Doug....$5". We share the wealth !!



GOING OUT WITH A NEW GUY: There is nothing more magical than going out with a new guy. We LOVE to talk about all of the right things this man says, does, thinks about and how it may just....hopefully this time ...fit into our lives...DAMNIT !!


MAKING THE EX "CARRY ICE": "Carrying Ice" = doing ridiculous things at your disposal because he realizes he was such a prick when you two dated and now he has to do anything and everything to get back in your good graces. So what it's 11:00pm, he lives in Staten Island and you want some Tom Yum soup from the Lower East Side. I guarantee he will have it at your doorstep at 11:45pm. So what it's your 30th birthday and your new man, your old man and your potential man are all at the party. Find the man carrying the ice from the car into the party and that's the one who done F*&^ed Up and now wants back in. "Girl, look at that sorry knuccka pulling that ish out the car....hold on a sec chile..... BOY... get my purse too !!!"

I Curse The Day That You Were Born....

Sex and The City has to have the biggest cult following of women from the ages of 18-55. I know THE GIRLS and I made an entire night of the opening day of the movie. We each dressed as our favorite character, saw the movie, went for drinks then ended up partying that night. The movie was everything I expected it to be, and more. I laughed, I held back tears and I left puzzled.

I really can't explain how I felt after leaving the movie. I can't say that I was 100% PRO Carrie and Mr. Big getting together. SUNSHINE GIRL was so distraught from the ending, she decided not to join us for the rest of the evening. I mean, after all the crap Mr. Big put Carrie through, she was STILL right there. Undeniable love or stupidity ? Heh, who's to say... (that is a WHOLE NOTHER topic)

I recently watched the movie again with my new guy friend. Yes, he is still hanging in there and things are going great. Though he didn't want to watch the movie initially, by the end of the movie (and throughout) he was asking so many questions. I was patient with him though. I would politely pause the movie, explain a character's previous behavior, relationships, etc. He would let out a loud "ah, ok...I get it" and then the movie would resume.

A big ole man on my couch softly stroking my hair, glasses of vino and Sex and The City The Movie ??? I couldn't ask for more....

Well, that was until after the movie NGF (New Guy Friend) asks me, "So.... do you have or have you had a Mr. Big in your life ?"

Ahhhhh, NGF...If you only had the time.

Maybe I exposed too much, but I told him that I have had "several". In PARTY GIRL's terms that would be three (3). Not the same exact circumstances, but I have dated three (3) men who had all of the confusion, excuses, engagements and subsequent marriages, ex-girlfriends still lurking, non commitment issues as Mr. Big had, which ultimately left this festive girl in tears...on MULTIPLE occasions. I only explained one to him, because I know there would be no getting around that one. The others, well.... who cares anymore.

But this isn't about me and NGF, it's about THE GIRLS.

One hot July evening, a year or so ago, I attended a party with SUNSHINE GIRL. It was for an old school DJ, the mood was festive and OH SHIT...one of my "Mr. Big" exes showed up. This particular ex had once asked me to move in with him (ABSOLUTELY NOT), professed his love for me, said he could see us getting married and having red babies, etc. etc. I don't know what got into me...oh yeah, it was the cocktails, but I went over to him, told him I needed a ride back to NJ and said I needed to leave NOW. Mind you, he and I hadn't seen and/or talked to each other in about 3 months. While I was talking to him, SUNSHINE GIRl immediately runs up to me screaming "nooooooooooooooo", while pinching me at the same time.

"PARTY GIRL, do NOT entertain him... he's made you cry and NOBODY makes PARTY GIRL cry...please don't leave with him."

I explain to her that we are just going to talk, we need to clear some things up. (SIDEBAR: There is NOTHING to clear up with a confused man. You leave the conversation more drained than prior to having it.)

The three of us go outside to hail a cab, SUNSHINE GIRL is still screaming at him, "You know I once LIKED you for her, but now.... I want you to STAY AWAY FROM HER !! YOU MAKE HER CRY !!!"

She hits him, pushes him out of the way (by this time I am in the cab) and she says to him..."NO, NO...you do NOT sit next to her.... I am sitting in the middle to KEEP YOU AWAY FROM HER !!!" We are in the cab and he is dodging fists from SUNSHINE GIRL, trying to talk to me and SUNSHINE GIRL pulls out the wild card...

"I AM GOING TO CALL GOOFY GIRL (sidebar: My best friend in another jurisdiction), she will be able to talk some sense into you."

The cab takes us to his car, he and I get out, he gives the cab driver money to take SUNSHINE GIRL home and literally almost has to slam the door on her before she tried to get out to "rescue" me. As the cab drives her off into the sunset, SHE IS STILL SCREAMING "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO".

SUNSHINE GIRL was right to attempt to save me. My ex was still as confused and non committal as before. We ended up going through the SAME motions that I had dealt with for 2 years on and off. I should have listened to her.

This scenario, though not as extreme, happens a plenty of times. One of THE GIRLS dates a guy, the guy breaks her heart, and THE other GIRLS are ready to kill him. Killing the ex is done in several ways (i) giving him the look of death (ex- see above pic of Charlotte) (ii) NEVER speaking his name (GOOFY GIRL actually refers to one of my exes as "dat nigga whose name I will never let come out of my mouth") (iii) actual threats of "kicking dat nigga in the neck" the next time she sees him and/or (iv) actually beating him up like SUNSHINE GIRL did.

I LOVE MY GIRLS.

I know they will support me in so many areas of my life, even if it means copping a simple assault charge !!

Freaky Web Cam...and All That Other Stuff

(I apologize in advance to my brother...he reads my blog, but hey...I am 31...what do you expect ??)

I have had the following conversation with about three of THE GIRLS in the past year:

"IIIRRRRKKKEDDD !!! OMG, PARTY GIRL...I am so in the 'Hots'... I have got to do something about this...but SHIT !! I don't have anybody on my roster I can really call to help me out...OMG, I am going to DIE of the HOTS !!!"

I reply, "Bitch, get a toy ... your ass is too grown to not have one anyway !!"

"PARTY GIRL, what do you mean a toy ? That's not a man..."

I reply, ".....and it will NEVER take the place of a man, but damnit, you'll sleep like a baby...stop playing..let me know when you want to go shopping for one, I'm due for a new one anyway...."

All I have to say is: WHY AIN'T NOBODY TELL ME ABOUT THIS BEFORE ? Well, a couple of THE GIRLS did try to tell me about it. I was SUCH a prude back in the day though so I didn't really listen to them. But alas, I was gifted my first LADY TOY by my ex-boyfriend, mainly because he was a LAZY bastard in the bedroom. I got my second, compact size LADY TOY in a gift bag of an associate from her 30th Birthday....along with one of the most banging mixed CDs I own to date. Complimentary music and a nice LADY TOY ? Needless to say...I was happy, happy, joy, joy !!

The LADY TOY is like a grown woman's pacifier. Like Sunday Football to a man. Pop that thing in/on and no one is talking for a good minute. My gifted LADY TOY from by ex turned out to be the best thing he EVER gave me. It was my first, at the age of 28, and I have to tell ya, that thing definitely comes in handy. (No pun intended) With the Lucifer Lutes running rampant, we ladies need something to take the edge off sometimes, which in essence keeps the numbers down and keeps us from falling into entrapment follies with exes. It is also a great tool to use with your boo. Yes, men.... it is an accepted practice to incorporate the LADY TOY into your daily, weekly, monthly and/or yearly "bossin" sessions.

LADY TOYS = LESS CRIME

Let me be the first to tell you, too many nights of a man coming up short, and she ain't got the toy to help finish her off ????

Somebody is getting cut, literally and figuratively !!

NEXT TOPIC: FREAKY WEB CAM

The Freaky Web Cam is something new to PARTY GIRL. I have never used it, but I hear it's the cat's MEEEEOOOOWWWWW. Several of THE GIRLS have out of town boos and/or boos where there is little to no physical interaction for one reason or the other (i.e. - THE GIRL is a tease, has another man, really doesn't want to sleep with old boy, etc., etc.) . I have learned that setting up "Freaky Web Cam" dates are GREAT foreplay tools.

What do you mean PARTY GIRL ??? Well ladies...let me explain FREAKY WEB CAM to you as it was explained to me.

You and your boo are Skyping, piddling around, talking through the internet about today's happenings. After his 5 minute monologue on either (i) how much he hates his boss (ii) how he can't WAIT until Football Season starts and/or (iii) how his IPOD has to be repaired...AGAIN, he looks up to notice something lacy, something racy with spaghetti straps.

"Girl...what you got on ?"

"Oh, this is nothing...hold on, my phone is buzzing...brb"

You get up, go get some random object from the other room and come back and old boy says to you.

"Damn girl, that's....um, that's new... why I ain't ever seen you in that when I am there. Stand up again, turn around, let me see"

WHAM... his visual senses have been activated and you have him at the prelude of FREAKY WEB CAM Foreplay.

More importantly, if that thang buzzing in the background was NOT your phone, but was your Lady Toy...well.... hey....