(I apologize in advance to my brother...he reads my blog, but hey...I am 31...what do you expect ??)
I have had the following conversation with about three of THE GIRLS in the past year:
"IIIRRRRKKKEDDD !!! OMG, PARTY GIRL...I am so in the 'Hots'... I have got to do something about this...but SHIT !! I don't have anybody on my roster I can really call to help me out...OMG, I am going to DIE of the HOTS !!!"
I reply, "Bitch, get a toy ... your ass is too grown to not have one anyway !!"
"PARTY GIRL, what do you mean a toy ? That's not a man..."
I reply, ".....and it will NEVER take the place of a man, but damnit, you'll sleep like a baby...stop playing..let me know when you want to go shopping for one, I'm due for a new one anyway...."
All I have to say is: WHY AIN'T NOBODY TELL ME ABOUT THIS BEFORE ? Well, a couple of THE GIRLS did try to tell me about it. I was SUCH a prude back in the day though so I didn't really listen to them. But alas, I was gifted my first LADY TOY by my ex-boyfriend, mainly because he was a LAZY bastard in the bedroom. I got my second, compact size LADY TOY in a gift bag of an associate from her 30th Birthday....along with one of the most banging mixed CDs I own to date. Complimentary music and a nice LADY TOY ? Needless to say...I was happy, happy, joy, joy !!
The LADY TOY is like a grown woman's pacifier. Like Sunday Football to a man. Pop that thing in/on and no one is talking for a good minute. My gifted LADY TOY from by ex turned out to be the best thing he EVER gave me. It was my first, at the age of 28, and I have to tell ya, that thing definitely comes in handy. (No pun intended) With the Lucifer Lutes running rampant, we ladies need something to take the edge off sometimes, which in essence keeps the numbers down and keeps us from falling into entrapment follies with exes. It is also a great tool to use with your boo. Yes, men.... it is an accepted practice to incorporate the LADY TOY into your daily, weekly, monthly and/or yearly "bossin" sessions.
LADY TOYS = LESS CRIME
Let me be the first to tell you, too many nights of a man coming up short, and she ain't got the toy to help finish her off ????
Somebody is getting cut, literally and figuratively !!
NEXT TOPIC: FREAKY WEB CAM
The Freaky Web Cam is something new to PARTY GIRL. I have never used it, but I hear it's the cat's MEEEEOOOOWWWWW. Several of THE GIRLS have out of town boos and/or boos where there is little to no physical interaction for one reason or the other (i.e. - THE GIRL is a tease, has another man, really doesn't want to sleep with old boy, etc., etc.) . I have learned that setting up "Freaky Web Cam" dates are GREAT foreplay tools.
What do you mean PARTY GIRL ??? Well ladies...let me explain FREAKY WEB CAM to you as it was explained to me.
You and your boo are Skyping, piddling around, talking through the internet about today's happenings. After his 5 minute monologue on either (i) how much he hates his boss (ii) how he can't WAIT until Football Season starts and/or (iii) how his IPOD has to be repaired...AGAIN, he looks up to notice something lacy, something racy with spaghetti straps.
"Girl...what you got on ?"
"Oh, this is nothing...hold on, my phone is buzzing...brb"
You get up, go get some random object from the other room and come back and old boy says to you.
"Damn girl, that's....um, that's new... why I ain't ever seen you in that when I am there. Stand up again, turn around, let me see"
WHAM... his visual senses have been activated and you have him at the prelude of FREAKY WEB CAM Foreplay.
More importantly, if that thang buzzing in the background was NOT your phone, but was your Lady Toy...well.... hey....
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