I may ruffle some feathers with this one...but OH WELL !!!
Experience is my best teacher. I can read about something, see others go through something, but until I experience that particular one thing personally, a life or professional lesson does not hit as close to home. I read statutes every day, but once a Judge denies my petition and/or motion because of one itty bitty nuance in my interpretation of said law I become VERY familiar by trial and error with how to apply it in the future.
One thing I have learned, and a TON of experience has taught me this, is to take my time in relationships. YES !!! Actually taking your time getting to know someone in a romantic, heck even on a friendship level.
THE GIRLS have many different personalities when it comes to our outlooks on life and most definitely love. Some of us are skeptics, some are hopeless romantics, some of us are cautiously optimistic and some of us are flat out ignorant when it comes to matters of the heart. Many of us, both men and women, have been all four at one point in our lives, however, who is to say what is wrong or right in proceeding in certain arenas in our lives as we get older ?
In one of my conversations with my beloved grandfather he shared a story with me that had me looking sideways at first, but then had me nodding in agreement. My grandparents were married for 62 years before my grandmother passed away. They met and became engaged rather quickly, but in those days, engagements and courting were not as long as it is now. I once asked my grandfather what made him want to marry my grandmother, he responded, "well, she was cute and she wanted kids. I could tell she really loved kids and I wanted kids, so I figured she was a good woman."
****BLANK STARE*****
You mean to tell me, you picked this woman as your wife because she was cute and wanted kids ? I was expecting to hear something extremely romantic since they have been married a lifetime. I expected to hear something straight from WE or The Oxygen Channel, something like, "I saw this gorgeous woman and I knew God sent her to me. The heavens opened and I heard God say, 'Son, that is your wife'. She was the epitome of what a woman should be, cupid shot me in my heart and I was all hers."
But NO, this man, while still chewing on his subway sandwich, said he used his head in making this decision and surmised he would go ahead and marry this cute woman who wanted kids because he had just returned home from the war and wanted a family. However, the kicker to me was the irony and somewhat parallel story that ran similar to my dealings in love and life. Apparently my grandfather met and fell in love with a young girl when he was in junior high school. He just KNEW that he was going to marry this woman. His heart had told him this over the years they spent as classmates, as friends and as they dated. Once he went away to boarding school for High School, he would write letters to her and visit when he came back to his hometown. Right before graduation and before his enrollment into the Army, he received a letter from his mother telling him that his girlfriend had gotten married to another man. He was heartbroken and spent all of his time in the Army as a single "Joe".
Now, I was devastated to find out that some other hussy had my grandfather's heart before he married my grandmother, but I could sympathize with him on some level as the same thing had happened to me. A man I was head over heels in love with, whom I just KNEW I was going to marry ultimately broke up with me and married someone else.
I was having a conversation a couple of weeks ago with my grandfather about NGF. He asks so many questions that I don't have the answers to. Most times I have to tell him to calm down, NGF and I aren't rushing things in our relationship. We are getting to know each other on so many levels and having fun with it. I then said to him, "Grandaddy, I've made so many dumb, quick and irrational decisions in love based upon following my heart and not consulting my head and that wasn't smart . I think this time I am going to see where my head leads me." He understood...
I too have rushed into relationships thinking that I was in love after knowing someone for two weeks, or one month or three months. The truth of the matter is I didn't know anything about these men and really didn't know anything about myself. I get uncomfortable around some of
THE GIRLS who currently confuse infatuation with love. I listen to their stories and support their happiness. However, I become extremely independently cautious about some of their relationships. I haven't found the right way to express my concern, while still being supportive. I don't want to come off as a hater, so I tend to just support their happiness and tell them to "be smart and don't fu&^ him too soon."
I can honestly say that I have adopted a more mature and patient relationship with love and incorporating it into my life. I now know love is something more than butterflies in your stomach when he calls you. I know love is more than feeling giddy that you have a regular Friday night date. I know love is more than skinnin and grinnin in someones face. I know love is more than having mind blowing sex. I know that love is more than meeting your significant other's friends and family. I now know that love encompasses so much more than that small box I once sought to place it in.
I was having a conversation with SUNSHINE GIRL the other day. She is dating a nice guy and I am happy that she is happy. She inquired about NGF and I told her the truth. I made a head decision to date him, and I am happy to find that my heart has caught up with my head.
Do you go with your head or follow your heart in relationships ?
Depends on who you ask....
