Random Rantings

So THE GIRLS and I definitely do not whoop it up like we used to. I don't know if I have lost my Mojo, or the weather is just a bummer since it is colder than a witches tit in New York or if that part of our lives is just over. Last Friday I had a couple of THE GIRLS and our MFs to my office after work for some cocktails and three of us ended up attending another one of our MFs weekly parties in the city. Three or so years ago we would have bottle service, dancing on couches and flirting to no end. This particular Friday I had my liquor in a thermos in my purse and I was ready to leave after being there 30 minutes. It's me...yeah I think it's me.

So as I don't have a wild and crazy story of antics of THE GIRLS I will leave you with random rants of just ignorant pieces of information:

1) I have narrowed the email distribution entitled THE GIRLS down to THE FESTIVES. Several of THE GIRLS have been deleted for inactivity. I know that of the 10-15 emails I send out per week about festive activity, only three of THE GIRLS will actually make an effort to get out. The others are a lost cause and I will no longer contribute to their delinquency to THE FESTIVE.

2) Three of THE GIRLS were conversing about relationships and we all established that we are in the "not so sexy" portion of our relationships. What does this entail Party Girl ? Well, let's start with: (a) your man farting in front of you then instantaneously following it up with spray he so conveniently takes from your bathroom...poot..spray behind the butt..poot...spray behind the butt...all of this happening while on the couch; (b) one of us, we shall of course mention no names, rendering our man to ailments and discouraging healing of sinus and cold issues because if he starts to smell again he would be subject to the funk of our poots...that we don't warn him about. "DAMN THAT NETI POT"; (c) needing code words to enter the bathroom because our man stanks it up to all be damned while in the shower. Why in the hell do we have to yell "apple" to each other to make sure it is okay for me to come into the bathroom to put on my makeup ?

3) The couch has never been a better friend to me. I actually look forward to our nightly 1.35 minute affair of blanket and DVR. Greenhouse what ? M2 who ? Tilman's say wuh ? I got a bottle and a blanket at the house. I'll holla at ya'll in the AM.

4) Anyone who sends 25 Red Velvet cupcakes in the mail as a Valentine's day gift for THE GIRLS really isn't your friend...when she knows that we only have three weeks until Spring and its prime "Get Fine" season.

5) The Gap Band "Yearning for Your Love" is the MUTHA FREAKIN jam after having a Southern Comfort and Coke....and resting on the couch with blanket and DVR.

6) Giving a man tickets to see Lebron play in NY/NJ as a Valentine's Day gift and telling him to take one of his boys instead of you is the PERFECT way to get attention. "Baby, really...I want you to go. Yes, I know you won't be able to talk stats and all...but I would really prefer if you would go instead of my boy." ahahahahah my plan worked !!!

7) It feels like groundhogs day getting up at 7:30am everyday, working until 9:00 pm, getting on a train to go home and then repeating the same thing the next four days.

last but not least...

8) Frankie Beverly's "While I am Alone" is equally as bumping...on a random Wednesday evening sipping Southern Comfort and Coke..and going to bed right now !! A bitch got to be up at 7:30 am ...and Rhapsody just played Evelyn Champagne King...ooooohhhh !!!

Oh, So He's Just Ya'lls Frankie Beverly

I accompanied NGF to his aunts house for a family dinner and all I can say is Oh My Word !! I don't think I have eaten like that since my visit to the Dominican Republic. The food was all types of island scrumptious. Curry goat, jerk pulled pork, oxtails, fried talapia (with the head still attached), fried plantains, avocado, rice and peas, fried and baked chicken, etc., etc. And let me not begin to talk about the dessert. It was an actual ceremony when the cakes were brought out. It took so damn long I actually wondered if they hadn't start baking the cakes until we finished eating dinner.

They presented a coconut, red velvet, black (rum) and a red velvet cheesecake. YES MA'AM !! An actual cheesecake with a red velvet cake ON TOP of it. I was in hog heaven !

Anywho while we were there, John Legend was initially playing on the IPOD and everyone was conversing, laughing, giving me the "one over" since this was my first time meeting the elders, speaking a language I couldn't for the life of me understand, you know, just enjoying the Sunday evening. That was until this one particular man came on over the speakers.

It was as if Moses showed up to recite the 10 Commandments, as if Jesus came in the room and said "Peace, Be Still". Every last person in the room grew silent and introspective. I have to say this frightened me because from experience, I have learned that when niggas get quiet, something is about to pop off. Mouths closed, heads bowed, bodies started swaying....just quiet. Beres Hammond was playing.

I had never heard of such a man until this summer. NGF almost had a holy fit that I had never intentionally listened to him. He had been described as the Jamaican Luther Vandross by some, and the Jamaican Al Green by others.

As I sat there, in the space of all these Jamaicans and their culture of food and music I began to think about who in "my culture" of African American rhythm and blues renders us silent. I began to think of all of the family gatherings, fish fries, graduation celebrations, barbecues and I gathered that it wasn't Luther. Luther made my aunts dance and sing along. "Never Too Much" was GAY-RUN-TEED to get black folks on the dance and kitchen floor singing. "Love and Happiness" by Al Green was another definite sing along song amongst friends and family.

However, "We Are One"....ahhh that song reminds me of the Essence Music Festival. Floor seats. Maxine Waters sitting behind us being all mad because we wouldn't sit down so she could see. She, within 10 minutes of the show starting, angrily declared aloud that she was going to her skybox cause she couldn't see. "Gone on...this is Frankie and I ain't sitting down..."

"We Are One" renders myself, my little sister, my homeboys and my homegirls speechless to the point we can do nothing but hold up one index finger and sway. Upon old memories I make the connection. Beres Hammond is our Frankie Beverly.

Today I made a concerted effort to listen to Beres on Rhapsody. I too want to be able to connect and be aware of what he is singing about. But, it's hard. 1) I can't understand a damn word he is saying and 2) he ain't Frankie !!

"And that's the way it is.... way it is..way it is...dun dunnnnnnnnnnn"

No Ma'am

I've always been considered one of the homegirls. As a child, I was the only female cousin amongst my male cousins, so everything they did, I was expected to do. If they jumped out of a tree, PARTY GIRL was expected to jump out of a tree. If my cousins had a dirt fight in my grandmother's garden, PARTY GIRL was expected to throw dirt as well. If my male cousins wanted to smoke cigarettes, PARTY GIRL was expected to GO GET the cigarettes from my uncle's room AND smoke the cigarettes with the boys.

As I got older, I was still considered "one of the homies" amongst my male friends. When my homeboys took shots of E&J before partying, I was expected to stand toe to toe with these 6 foot something homies and take the same amount of shots.

My homeboys talked to me about everything and allowed me to participate in just about everything they participated in. I was one of the guys and I appreciated the ability to hang with THE GIRLS doing girly stuff and then being able to drink cognac and talk shit with the homeboys. A little testosterone is always a good thing, even if its just the homie.

Ahhh... but alas...

I have learned as we get older, I AM NOT THE HOMEGIRL...

To NGF, I am a woman .... who is not allowed to participate in any activity with the homeboys.... none, zip, zilch... NADA !!!

To my homeboys, I am cool and all, but when they want it to just be men, eventhough I can drink them all under the table and their stories (ahem...lies about debauchery) don't faze me one bit... I AM STILL A WOMAN AND NOT ALLOWED !!

Who knew this behavior, once exhibited all through pre-school and elementary of "no girls allowed" would rear its ugly head again in my 30's ? I was extrememly offended all through this NFL season when NGF would not allow me to come to his linebrother's house with him to watch some games. I mean, he and I would ALWAYS watch Monday Night Football together, so what's the deal with me watching it with him and 6 more people ? FASHIONISTA's boyfriend would allow some of THE GIRLS (translation: beer drinking, shit talking GIRLS) to crash his neighborhood spot to partake of beer and football during the playoffs, but come to find out when we thought FASHIONISTA had no desire to come, her boyfriend really didn't want her there. I mean, she came to the NFC finals game because he kinda felt obligated to let her come, but he had the same stance as NGF, "NO MA'AM...no girlfriends allowed." I slightly let NGF off the hook. FASHIONISTA and her boyfriend are our prototype of relationships, he LUH-HUVS her !! So if he didn't want her around during football, then it MUST be a universal rule.

Right now, before the Superbowl commences, I am sitting in my linesister's chair with my feet propped up, sipping a Southern Comfort and tea. NGF ain't called me all day, and honestly I don't think I will get a phone call until this game and the hour post game shit talking is done...or maybe not until tomorrow.

KC GIRL is hosting a Superbowl party and about 30 people have rsvp'd. I got a BBM from one of our dear MFs, he is ALWAYS around us and we enjoy his company. So he BBMS me and asks me for the address to SUNSHINE and FASHIONISTA GIRLS'. I send it to him, but I am confused. I ask, "don't you mean, what is the address to KC GIRLS house ?" He replies, "No, I am getting up with FASHIONISTA's boyfriend before we head over there."

Then the lightbulb goes off.

I reply, "Are ya'll meeting to watch the game in silence first ? :)"

He replies, "LOL I guess you can say that."

and with that...NGF has been let off the hook... again...

Even the homeboys don't want to be around us while football is on..

and with that, some dude just walked in wearing mom jeans... time for a refill !!





But wait on it, "Mom Jeans" just told his wife to go to the other apartment that is co-hosting the party right next door since that is designated the talking room.


The room just drew QUIET !!! ("Oh NO the hell he didn't")

HILARIOUS !!!

Et tu "Mom Jeans" ??? .... Et tu ???