Congratulations..????

I am amazed by the profound wisdom I have now in reference to the lyrics of the songs of yore. Secret Lovers (Atlantic Starr), Me & Mrs. Jones (Billy Paul), Back Then (Mike Jones) and Congratulations (Vesta). I pray you all know the Mike Jones reference was a joke.

Anywho...

I was perusing Essence.com and saw a couple in the "Bridal Bliss" section. I immediately clicked on the link to check out the pictures and it wasn't until the ninth picture that I realized, "Hey... I know them !!"

This couple was the BANE of my existence during the 2008 year. They rode the same train I rode into the city EVERY DAY at the SAME TIME and they kissed and hugged and carried on. I tell you, it was pathetic, especially to a woman like me who was dating an ASSHOLE at the time.

I sent the link of the site and photos to THE GIRLS. My view on this couple has changed dramatically. I guess I have NGF to blame for this. Him like me...Me like him back, all is right with the world and relationships...for now....sometimes...when he ain't getting on my nerves...like NOW WITH ALL THIS DANG TALKING !!! :)


In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "It got me to thinking...."

It got me to thinking about weddings, engagements and what not. Most of THE GIRLS have never been married and/or engaged. A couple of THE GIRLS have been married and are since divorced, but the majority of us...NO HAPS !! .... yet....

And just like that, my thoughts turned to, "what could have been ??".

The men we thought we could have....should have married. That ONE man....

My mother had that one man. She loved him, he loved her... which brought me into the world. It didn't work out. He was selfish and she had a child to raise. She has never loved another man the same since.

(I refuse to call names, even the pseudonyms)

Several of THE GIRLS, self included, have LUH-HUVED a man...that man...so hard, so intense, that the thought of being with someone else took sooooo many years to get out of our systems. We would date other men, love other men, play other men, nuture other men, but nothing came close to that euphoric mirage that once existed with this ONE man we loved in our 20's.

WHO THE FUCK SAID OUR 20's SETS THE BAR ON THE REST OF OUR LIVES ???

I remember when I got the call. It came from one of THE GIRLS. I immediately knew what she was going to tell me and I instantly told her that I didn't want to know and that I would call her back. She was almost vigilante in her stance on telling me that the man I just KNEW I was going to marry was engaged to someone else. I was on 59th and 5th Avenue....walking past Central Park...humming "Irreplaceable" to myself. I REFUSED to cry.

I remember when I made the call to one of THE GIRLS as well. The man she dated for 5 years was instantly engaged to someone else, only 7 months after they broke up. I wanted her to hear it from me, because I love her and I wanted this news of his engagement to come from a place of love.

I also remember when I got a call from one of THE GIRLS when the father of her child was set to marry someone else. Trick ass nigga ain't even have the balls to tell her he was getting married. He just told her the baby needed to be in his home city on a particular weekend, and she obliged.... out of love. She knew...

There are so many other stories. Same script...different cast. However, the outcome is the same. The man you THOUGHT was sent to you from God clearly got a different memo.

All of THE GIRLS who went through this were left with a choice.

Choice A: Give up on Love

Choice B: Dust yourself off...even if it takes 2-5 years and get back in the game.

I am choosing LOVE.... and it's a choice I have to conciously make everyday despite what my past reminds me of...

I wonder what Carm is thinking RIGHT now...