New York City has to be the biggest enigma in just about every facet of life. I believe everything in The City is more difficult than any other city in the United States. There is nowhere to park, the weather is mad/stupid/dumb difficult to deal with in the winter, housing is ridiculously overpriced and let us NOT even begin to discuss the $18 Martini. That's an entire meal in the south, however, in New York it's the going rate for a Cosmopolitan or Dirty Martini.
With that said, THE MOST DIFFICULT task to deal with in New York is finding, happening upon and/or developing a real relationship. By "real" I mean a relationship where both parties just happen to be, perhaps, fingers crossed.....(clutch the pearls) on the same page. He wants her there, she wants to be there. She wants him to fix something in her house, he happens to be handy. Things just go togther like peanut butter and jelly....like ham and burger.
There is absolutely no problem with finding a date in this concrete jungle, where dreams are made of. Dating in New York is definitely a sport and if you don't have the dedication or heart to play the sport you will get eaten alive. THE GIRLS have pretty much mastered the dating dance. We simply go to a birthday party of someone we don't know, the NY Urban League meeting, Paul Weiss Diversity reception or Habana Outpost on a sunny day and WHAM!!! You got a date. I swear, getting a date is not the hard part.
The hard part is finding someone, or in our case, someone finding us who does not get on our damn nerves and also shows us at the same time that both parties' intentions and interests are reciprocal.
Since I have been dating in New York, I have NEVER intentionally left an item that belonged to me at a male suitor's place. I may have inadvertently left an earring, a bracelet, a hair pin or something like that which was eagerly retrieved the next time I saw my male suitor. I remember some time ago, I could not find a bracelet of mine for almost six months. When I happened to agree to lunch with an ex, he brought me my bracelet and it was like I had won the lottery. I missed my damn bracelet and apparently he missed me cause clearly he could have put that shit in the mail to me instead of holding on to it for six months.
The last guy I dated, I never thought to leave anything at his place. I KEPT finding things that his ex allegedly left, though they broke up a year ago. ***SO MUCH SIDE EYE*** She still had razors under the bathroom sink, pictures in the spot and as I dug deeper, I think she still had tampons under the sink as well. My first instinct was to throw that shit away (which I did and I told him I threw it away). My second instinct was to make mental note, "this bitch is still lurking"...and damn it, I was right !!! What grown man keeps a stuffed animal a woman gave him.....in public purview ? (Side note: I immediately thought about the Dr. Bear Derwin gave Melanie, the one that he would NOT throw away no matter how much lip Janae gave him)
Anywho, I was having a conversation with one of THE GIRLS and one of my MFs (Male Friends) about the topic of leaving things at a suitor's place and it went something like this:
MF: So, FLY GIRL how are things with you and your boo ? You haven't said anything to us about him lately.
FLY GIRL: Things are going well, no complaints here.
PARTY GIRL: So are you guys official now ? What's the deal ?
FLY GIRL: Ha, touch your nose...how do I answer that ??? We have toothbrushes at each other's homes. In plain view. He thought it was a big deal to give me an extra head to his Sonic toothbrush thing.
MF: ahahahahahah
PARTY GIRL: Why you laughing dude ?
MF: I know how he felt when he handed it over.
FLY GIRL: ...and how is that ?
MF: WEAK AND DEFEATED !!!!
FLY GIRL: How so ? I accidentally left my toothbrush at home. When he gave it to me he acted like I took his first born...BUT...when I left, I did what I always do, I put the cap on it and packed it up with the rest of my stuff. He asked me the next day why I didn't leave it there, said I need to leave it there in the UV cleaning thing so I can always have it when I needed it...I don't know. I always pack up my things when I leave. I'll take it back though if it makes him happy.
PARTY GIRL: You Men Kill Me MF !!!
MF: No one has ever done that to me
PARTY GIRL: Got a toothbrush out of you ???
MF: Or even prime real estate in my crib for a toothbrush
FLY GIRL: So sad MF, its 2010. Its the year of your emotional breakthrough !!! A toothbrush at a man's house is prime real estate ?
MF: Uhhh right !!!
Though ludacris in some of his "isms" in dating, I guess MF has a point to some degree. That toothbrush offering just may be a big deal. In my opinion, it kind of signifies "hey baby, I like you, you like me...here is a space, available for you...it ain't that big, but it's a start...and it may lead to a spot in my closet, then I know you ain't no fool, so I will be prepared for the 'uh, don't think we moving in together without no ring nigga,talk'". John Mayer sang about it in City Love, "she keeps a toothbrush at my place, as if I had the extra space, she steals my clothes to wear to work, I know her hairs are on my shirts, I tell everyone, I smile just because."
Man, this is the first time drafting a post that I am looking at one of THE GIRLS like, "dang...I'm jealous". But I must confess, I am doing a horrible job with anonymity. In true T.I. vs. T.I.P fashion, I be FLY GIRL and FLY GIRL be me (PARTY GIRL). I ain't want to tell ya'll EVERYTHING, but I can't keep it to myself. It's taking some getting used to...you know, changing behaviors of me "not being available or attached to someone" and also my dating men who are "not available or attached" to someone.
So, with my bequeath Sonic toothbrush head still resting in his bathroom...I also left my Essence magazine with Mary J. Blige on the cover on his nightstand. It's a start....and a subtle hint as I dog earred some FLY boots Estelle was wearing in her photo shoot, ya know, ahem...just in case a brother wants to make room for those boots in his closet in the near future :)
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