THE GIRLS share so many stories that are often coupled with screams, "uh uhs", "SHUT UP" or the proverbial, "BITCH you lyin !". Nine times out of ten these stories are in reference to dating and/or some trifling broad who is interrupting your dating. Nevertheless, when one of THE GIRLS preps a story with "Girrrrlllll...lemme tell you !", you are undoubtedly about to embark on a journey of laughter, shame and disbelief.
You ready for this one ?
So, I was in Washington, D.C. for the National Black MBA Conference last September. As a former MBA student, this conference was once the epitome of partying, scoping out handsome men and more partying. I think I may have gone to the conference once with the purpose of actually networking to find a job, the others were strictly for partying. I now have little to no tolerance for the conference, outside of ....well, the partying. In my opinion, its a conglomerate of stick up the ass, overpaid, insecure former classmates who have their self worth determined by their jobs. I remember my initial reaction upon walking into the host hotel: "This is a sea of black and navy blue NOTHINGNESS !!! I just got depressed...where is the bar ?"
One of the major parties that weekend is thrown by a wine and spirits company. It's open bar, plenty of food, great DJs and surprise performances. If you wanted to be at any party that weekend, this was the one to attend. We all believed that either Common or Kanye West were going to perform. The joke was on us, as it was some Go-Go Band I had never heard of. Once again, where is the bar ?
Back to the story...
So me and one of THE GIRLS attended the party and literally posted up at the bar all night. Great seats, easy access to the spirits, rest for our aching feet...why leave this spot ? As we sat there, one of THE GIRLS had a friend of a friend come up to speak with her. They had a mutual friend and were from the same hometown. They chatted it up, flirted, laughed.....it was all looking on the up and up with this new found friend.
Ya'll know the story. One cocktail turns to two, turns to three, turns to four, turns to "how the hell are we getting home ?" So my girl's friend offered to drive my car back to our hotel since he was allegedly not drunk and his hotel was right across the street from ours. Now, this part is a blur of sorts. I think valet was closed at our hotel, so he offered to park my car in a public lot and my girl would walk my keys back to our room. COOL ! I was tired and slightly intoxicated, up to the room I go.
So I wake up the next day to this statement as soon as my eyes opened. "Girrrrrrlllll...you'll never guess what happened."
Brace yourself.
So, old boy pulls my car into the public lot and by this time after driving around for a while, my girl had closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. Now, mind you....they have mutual friends and are from the same hometown, so she felt comfortable around the guy. She goes on to say, "giiirrrrrllll, we pulled into a park situated between two big old trucks. He nudges me to wake up and when I turn to look at him and get my bearings together, I look down and this nigga has his pants down to his ankles, dick sticking straight up like 'what's up?'"
BITCH YOU LYING !!! THIS NIGGA HAD HIS BARE ASS ON MY SEAT ???
She said, "giiiirrrllll if I was sleep, I wasn't no more. I immediately got myself together and told him that it wasn't that type of party. I think he felt embarassed a little because he apologized, got his pants together and then we got out the car. I came to my hotel room and he went to his."
THE AUDACITY.....
So, being the lady that I am...of course I had two questions:
1) Was it atleast a nice size dick ?
2) Where are my keys ?
*DEAD CRICKETS*
She immediately says, "damn...that nigga still got your keys....and NO, it wasn't even nice sized !" I immediately offered to call the cops in jest... Don't be pulling your dick out if it's all little and shit and you have no jurisdiction to even think I get down like that. I would have been offended on BOTH fronts. Witnessing a little dick is BAD for the morale of ALL involved and to keep it real, he could have assaulted her. There is nothing funny about that. Though I seriously doubt that would have happened... SHE DON'T PLAY THAT !!
So my girl had to call a different friend to get TCAP's information to call him and tell him to bring my keys to the front desk of the hotel.
Needless to say, we ran into him again during the conference and his face said it all. He was embarassed. Hell, I would be too ! He acted in a disrespectful manner and came up SHAWT ! Literally and figuratively... Freakin Predator....
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