It is amazing how deeply disturbed THE GIRLS are behind the Chris Brown - Rihanna events that took place during Grammy Weekend. I am most disturbed by the fact that these two, seemingly innocent, role models are now serving as examples and faces of something that is so taboo and serious .... Domestic Abuse.
None of us will really know the depth and details surrounding this horrible event that will definitely change the lives of these two kids, but speaking from experience.... I know exactly how they are both feeling right now.... embarrassed, appalled, scared and anxious. When I was 20 years old, I never fathomed knowing anyone who was or would become a victim of abuse. I was certain that none of my female friends would be susceptible to it because they were all smart, beautiful and intelligent girls. I was most certain that I would never be in the cross fire of a man's wrath. This kind of thing doesn't happen to smart, beautiful, intelligent girls... in my mind it just didn't. What would I do ? How would I react ? Would I call the police ? Would I try to off him ? Would I fight back ? These were some of the hypothetical questions I would ask myself just in case I were ever in the position of needing to think quick.
Knock a nigga out....ask questions later !!
Over the years I have heard stories from friends who have had tumultuous, physical and verbal abusive relationships with their boyfriends, fiances and even husbands. I was shocked when one of my friends told me that her estranged husband physically assaulted her. She actually stated that she felt as if he raped her. I saw the marks on her neck for crying out loud !! I have heard stories of some of my friends attempting to physically harm their men upon hearing bad news and/or catching him with another girl. One girlfriend told me how her man would pull her by the hair when she would ignore him. It didn't bother her one bit, because that is as far as it went according to her. These physical altercations were initiated by both the men and women depending on the circumstances.
I have my theories about what happened between Chris and Rihanna and as details come out slowly, it is evident that the root of the problem stems from hurt feelings, misdirected anger and predisposition to such behavior..... a recipe for disaster. I actually feel sorry for both of them, because I know how they feel. I felt the exact same way in 1999, when I was a 21 year old senior in college.
A college boyfriend with an abusive step father, an unannounced visit from me to boyfriend's house, another chick thrown out the backdoor as I was ushered in the front door, an intercepted phone call from scorned chick, yelling, pushing and shoving, forced imprisonment, a slap to him and then a subsequent punch to me. I blamed him, I blamed myself. I was hurt, embarrassed, anxious and prideful. The only sign of rage he showed before that was around our two year mark. He punched a hole into his bedroom wall because I didn't want to cuddle with him. Cuddling ??? We talking about cuddling ??? When he did that, I quickly grabbed my things and was out of there. He later called to apologize for scaring me and we never spoke of it again.
I called the police and pressed charges against him. I later dropped those charges because I didn't want him to blame me for messing up his life. Crazy right ? In the back of my head, I knew he would do something like this again. Low and behold, a few months later, he was in trouble for assaulting a female at a party. I never talked to him again and to this day I think he is still embarrassed by what happened that night. We have mutual friends, so I hear things. Two young people, yelling and screaming, predisposition to abusive behavior and misdirected anger ..... a recipe for disaster in 1999 ..... and 2009.
It is NOT acceptable.
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